While monogamy traditionally has been the backbone of love, more and more couples have begun to stretch and re-shape the accepted boundaries of loving relationships.

These couples are pansexual and heterosexual, young and old, black and white and from all areas and economic background. They can be found on the Internet, meeting with peer groups and in personal ads. They do not consider themselves swingers; they are polyamorous.

The lifestyle of polyamory has a different meaning to all of its followers. But while a dictionary definition of the word is hard to come by, the accepted definition among its devotees is “a long term, romantically committed multiple partner relationship” - or simply put, loving more than one.

Committed? Long term and loving? This certainly doesn't sound like something associated with multiple sex partners. Members of TriStatePoly, a polyamory support group serving the New York, New Jersey and Connecticut areas, call themselves responsible non-monogamists. Other terms used are ethical or intentional non-mongamy.

It is the bald incongruity of such terms that leave you struggling to categorize polyamorists. After all, what is more traditional than a loving, committed long-term relationship? And at the same time, what is less traditional than accepted polygamy?

Polyamory, or at least aspects of it, is certainly nothing new. From ancient slave harems to American Mormons, openly having more than one sexual partner has been a part of this world from time immemorial.

But while multiplying your sexual outlets is certainly a large part of the poly lifestyle, its participants are more apt to say they are committed to love, not sex. Another definition of polyamory is responsible non-monogamy. This fact at once makes it more attractive to those interested in polyamory and infinitely scarier to its legion of opponents. Love is far more of a lasting high than sex.

Ostensibly, polyamory flies in the face of both convention and also human nature. Polyamorists eschew jealousy and deceit while promoting romantic love with multiple partners. Spending your life with one person, is also described as serial monogamy by the poly culture; traditional two person relationships. Polyamorists believe that such relationships do not have to be inherent to the nature of humans.

According to Loving More, a magazine by and for the poly community, modern romance is a flop. And who can argue? Have the words, “Til death do us part” ever had less meaning? I've personally had three friends marry in the past year, and at some point each one has only half-jokingly said that if it doesn't work out, there's always divorce. I think this is more of a sign of the times than a reflection of the character of these men and women.

Divorce is commonplace. Single-parent families are now the norm. The stigma and criticism once attached to one-parent homes is now being leveled at poly families with three, four or sometimes more parental figures.

There are many different types of polyamory relationships. But what they all boil down to is a practice of responsible non-monogamy. There are expanded families, consisting of three or more – the sky is the limit – people involved in a loving relationship. Another popular term is “group marriage,” when multiples “marry” like couples. These groups may be faithful to each other - called polyfidelity - or not, depending on what each group decides.

The word “primary” is a common one in polyamory vernacular. According to Sexuality.org, the primary is used to denote the person with whom one is most strongly bonded, or came first. Secondaries, and sometimes tertiaries can follow. There are triads – three people involved in some way – and an inventive phrase called a “Vee,” which also involves three people, with one at the bottom of the vee. Almost any polyamory site will have a page defining poly terms, with the definitions differing only slightly.

There are no particular rules for entering a polyamory relationship. There is no contract you need to sign, no secret handshake or blood oath. Much like traditional one-on-one relationships, the participants can give each other joy and pain, they can hurt and deceive, and are loving and hateful. Are their relationships about sex? Absolutely, but no more and no less than any other romantic alliance.

Polyamorists are doing nothing particularly offensive in public – at least no more so than others. They are not as a group propagating sex with minors or family members. Barnyard animals are sexually safe around them. And as of this writing, they are not seeking virgins for ritual sacrifice. So if they alter the lives of no one except those involved, then why are polyamorous relationships considered taboo?

Well, because they are.

As far as advanced cultures and countries go, the United States is arguably the most prudish nation in the western world. With our deep commitment to religion and an unfortunate focus on “What Will Other People Think?” we have driven healthy sexual curiosity into the recesses of our minds – something to be explored in furtive late night Internet odysseys and visits to dingy clubs.

Fuel for their detractors is that most polyamory groups have strong ties to the gay and lesbian community, in addition to many within the poly lifestyle that are gay, lesbian and bisexual. But with polyamorists advocating tolerance and understanding, this symbiotic alliance makes perfect sense, sort of a modern circling of the wagons for the alternative community.

The question of polyamory comes along while the country is at, tritely put, a romantic crossroads. Conservatives are calling for congressional, judicial and even presidential aid to promote marriage of the sexes and genders they deem appropriate to wed. In San Francisco, gay and lesbian weddings are being publicly performed by government officials in defiance of state law. Gay clergy have surged into the news and have become an issue in the upcoming elections. Years of skirmishes on sexual and gender issues between the left and right appear to be degenerating into a full-scale – and possibly much needed - war. Throw polyamory into this combustible and tangled heap of traditional family values, religion and individual freedoms would be like dropping napalm on a four-alarm blaze.

Why is polyamory offensive? There are the usual religious objections, as well as the fear of anything new and outside the accepted norm. But maybe the most telling reason is that it makes people explore their own relationships and the fears that reside within.

To those in a monogamous relationship, polyamory can be an uncomfortable subject because it's impossible to dissect a multiple partner relationship without that same probing light beaming back at their own alliance. Questions may arise. Does my significant other feel this way? Is there a side to him or her that I've never seen? If they don't dismiss followers of the polyamory lifestyle as “perverts,” “sluts,” etc., then it's too much like looking in a mirror.

Of course to some, all of this must sound great. Hey, you get to have sex with whomever you want and no one cares? Beautiful. Sign me up. But to the polyamorous society, sex is not always the issue. They stress the bond between members of the poly community is emotional, rather than sexual.

Outside of the polyamory tribe, the societal disadvantages of this lifestyle choice are numerous. For starters, groups of course cannot be married in the eyes of the law, the church, synagogue or any other traditional house of worship. This leaves family group members without spousal health benefits that couples often take advantage of through marriage.

As there is almost every other kind, there also is polyphobia. Polyamorists, straight and gay, tell tales of physical threats and actual bodily harm, not to mention friends lost due to their lifestyle decision.

And perhaps the most serious issue is what place do children have in a polyamorous society? The same place they have in a traditional monogamous relationship. There is a vast trove of literature dealing with polyamory and children, and the basic attitude is that if the adults do not act like their living situation is a shameful, embarrassing secret, then neither will the kids (Not to mention how much it eases the burden at parent-teacher conferences.)

Children, of course, can and will adapt to everything. Is it bad to have another parental figure around who may teach and nurture them? The argument is made that this also means there is another adult in the home who may treat them poorly and abuse them, but polyamorists fire back that this sounds suspiciously like a traditional family structure.

Whether you believe polyamory is immoral, a perfectly logical lifestyle or rather harmless, get used to it, it's here to stay. Scores of polyamory websites, such as Sexuality.org and AltPolyamory.org, inundate the Internet, almost all with vast tables of contents, informative FAQs and many members' stories. Many also hold meetings, classes and socials for those who are already in the lifestyle or are interested in learning more about it. TriState Poly alone has over a dozen gatherings each month.

Will polyamory ever be accepted? Well, when hard pressed for precedence, polyamorists point out the Bonobos, a primitive tribe of chimpanzees that substitute sex for aggression. That point may be all too telling. The bonobos may be facing extinction in the near future.