There are a number of feelings and objects one reflects upon when thinking about exhibitionists: the erotic body in sexy lingerie; panty-less; free-balling; peek-a-boo high heels; hard cocks; see-through white tank tops; stimulation; empowering; respect; confidence; and, shocking. Then there are those who think: shocking; deviant; mental disorder; slut; horror; disgusting; threatening; wrong; and, paraphilias.

An exhibitionist is defined as “a person who practises exhibitionism as a psychological alteration of the human behaviour that neither implies the need to exhibit the genitalia or buttocks nor alterations of the psychiatric condition of the individual (although sometimes this occurs),” according to Wikipedia.

However, there sometimes occurs a problem for those who wish to explore other-than-hetero-puritan sexual behavior, such as exhibitionism, because people who practice such behavior are often lumped into the broad category of “paraphilias,” making the act of exhibitionism taboo in mainstream culture.

Paraphilia is a clinical term used to describe “arousal sexual objects or situations that are not part of normative arousal/activity patterns.” Many paraphilias are considered to be crimes, others are considered harmless. The different paraphilias are loosely broken down into two categories: ‘criminal paraphilias' and ‘common paraphilias.'

Wikipedia acknowledges the practice of exhibitionism to be a ‘common paraphilia,' and differentiates between consensual exhibitionism and non-consensual exhibitionism.

In May of 2003, a symposium was held by the American Psychiatric Association to discuss, amongst the many mental disorders, whether paraphilia should be removed from the upcoming edition of the Psychiatric Manual of Mental Disorder (DSM-IV-TR). Psychiatrist Charles Moser of San Francisco's Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality argued to have these “mental disorders” removed simply because of the fact that if one's sexual interests could be considered deviant in some cultures, it should not automatically brand one as mentally ill. Support for the argument was that different societies stigmatize different sexual behaviors, and therefore no single behavior is evidence that a mental illness exists, because in another society it might be accepted.

“Any sexual interest can be healthy and life-enhancing,” concluded Moser in his Archives commentary.

The question must be asked; what is an exhibitionist who is exposing their body to a consenting adult or community and not acting out of a desire to shock an unsuspecting person?

To expose our bodies is to first appreciate and understand them, or even love them, and only then have pride and confidence in exhibiting them, if one “chooses” to do so - a choice, unlike the suffering from a paraphilia who depends on shocking their victims as a means for sexual arousal. This point is clear when one considers how certain exhibitionists first begin exposing.

So how can we tell when the exhibitionism taboo is okay and when it's not? “Basically, if the people around are in a position to like that you're exhibiting yourself, and if it's in an appropriate space where nudity and/or sexual exhibitionism is part of the logic of the place, you probably have consent,” says Carol Queen, sexologist and author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. “Public sex runs the risk of the classic scene where the guy jumps out from behind a tree, or when people make love on the hood of a car and scare an old lady; situations where viewers did not sign up for seeing [sexual acts].

Indeed, not all exhibitionism takes place in public, but often takes place in the privacy and safety of one's own home (albeit, still remember to close the blinds if you walk down this path as you are never safe from the law!). Looking at one's body, in its nakedness, up close, far away, in the light, honestly, while having sex or not, is not as easy as one might think. We are conditioned to feel awkward about our bodies because of expectations of perfection and stigmas placed upon the nude body - nudist communities have been trying to fight against this for years.

If you choose to explore the exhibitionism taboo in the safety of your home, looking at others by watching porn or browsing through photos on the web can illuminate just how varied bodies truly are, let alone ideas of how to expose. And, if feeling so bold, posting your own photos on the web, even with your face blurred out, can prove to be liberating to the mind.

“It's almost always a visual situation,” says Queen. “If you're talking dirty on the phone, you're still putting yourself out there in an exhibitionistic way, but most of us think about behaving sexually to be seen.”

Next, you might want to flirt with going out in public. But public exhibitionism does not have to be the classic guy-jumping-out-from-behind-tree. “There are forms of exhibitions other than the criminal kinds,” Queen says. “There are tighter shirts, small skirts, and more cleavage; there's a way of presenting that may not even get to nudity.”

So trash the see-through blouse and buy one that has a low v-neck that nicely opens up when you turn your body in a particular direction. Or, more simply, a shirt that shows a dab of your midriff can be just as titillating and empowering.

Once in the world, there are plenty of isolated beaches, and communities for people that are interested in such things. For example, the swing scene or BDSM scene thrive on exhibition, however before embarking it is best to make very clear each of your boundaries, or your own boundary should you be playing alone. These communities often move beyond mere voyeurism.

In Queen's Exhibitionism for the Shy: Show Off, Dress Up, and Talk Hot, she depicts not only how to begin exhibiting one's self, but how to find others, how to do it safely with others and where best to do it with others. Queen first stresses the need for communication and responsibility. She does not recommend beginning to play with exhibition with one's partner unless the partner is a consenting participant. So, once finding a mate or agreeing to partake in such festivities with a current mate, Exhibitionism for the Shy recommends dirty talk in public places, say a dirty story while in Church. Or, an exchange of moist panties for a kiss in a crowded restaurant. And, once exploring true sexual encounters in public, if too shy, it is easy to start by creating the scene in the safety of one's home, by, say, turning an office into a library.

Point being, in the how-to of being an exhibitionist, never should there be a time when one is considering shocking an unsuspecting person. However, if the acts that you desire to perform can be done without offending anyone, go for it!

“Problematic exhibitionists are setting out to offend someone, consensual exhibitionists want to turn you on and want to be turned on,” says Queen, who also refers to certain acts as “erotic showing off.”

Positive exhibitionism is first about the body and your confidence in it, and second about respect. Positive and consensual exhibitionism is an honest form of erotically engaging in exposing one's body. If engaging in exhibitionism, never involve non-consenting people. Be safe, be wise, and be healthy and conscious of others. And, most importantly, be saucy.