The romantic notion of finding one partner and mating for life is a fantasy projected on society from the moment we are born. Stories of long-term monogamy have been told numerous times and sometimes can be the basis of a person’s search for their soul mate. The story of penguins’ mating habits has tugged at heartstrings countless times; when penguins find a mate they stay with that partner until their dying day, even if they separate during migration they always return to one another. However, no relationship amongst people can be as simple as the penguins or as plastic as Barbie and Ken.

The thought of settling down with one person forever can be frightening to some and to others bliss. Finding one mate and keeping him or her can be difficult to accomplish because people change and so do feelings. Growing out of a person is very common and when that happens, a relationship sours and typically ends. Some have come to believe that lifelong monogamy does not work and we are not meant to be with one person for our entire lives; instead, we are meant to be with more than one person in a series of committed relationships.

Serial monogamy has become an alternative to a lifelong monogamous relationships and dating with no commitment. In serial monogamy, people enter a series of relationships after another where they are committed to a person for months to years and when that ends a person begins another one with someone else. Marriage is not uncommon in this type of relationship; there are serial monogamists who have married their partner and then became divorced when they felt it was time to move on to a new relationship. A serial monogamist is often viewed as someone who is commitment phobic or someone who cannot and does not want to be single, so he or she will jump from one relationship to the next. These are not the only labels placed on serial monogamists; some believe it is a less aggressive term to describe a womanizing, or player, lifestyle. It appears as a justification to end one relationship and jumping into the next when all interest is lost and someone new and eye-catching comes along.

Infidelity and womanizing are actions that are frowned upon and damaging to relationships and more than 90 percent of the public agree that cheating for a person in an assumed monogamous relationship is unacceptable behavior. Some believe serial monogamy to be a great alternative to infidelity and the betrayal of trust as opposed to staying in a relationship where one is not truly fulfilled.

It is possible that sexual exclusivity is unnatural and unlike penguins, most people will have more than one sexual partner in a lifetime. The unrealistic expectation of having one sexual partner and to love that person for a lifetime creates a need for alternative lifestyles to monogamy. Contrary to the belief that these actions come from unhealthy personalities and relationships, alternatives to classic monogamy creates a better forum for functional relationships. Another variation of monogamy is having an open relationship where both partners are free to have casual sexual relationships with other people and have it not constitute as infidelity. A similar form of an open relationship is swinging, where partners find other couples to have causal sexual encounters with. It differs from an open relationship where partners may not discuss their other endeavors. Swingers are open with their sexual behavior outside their relationship because they are actively pursuing other couples to swing with together. They consider their relationships monogamous because they are not emotionally involved with their sexual partner and therefore are only giving their all to their significant other.

A lesser-known version of monogamy takes open relationships to another level; polyamory takes the form of legal polygamy. Polyamory, a term coined by poet and neopagan priestess Morning Glory Zell, practices monogamy with multiple partners challenging the true meaning of monogamy. Where most people find it difficult to have one significant other, polyamorists believe in having several loving monogamous relationships at one time. Love is a complicated emotion; some fall in love with another person while still involved with another he or she may still be in love with. For polyamorists, this is the process of nature thus making the lifestyle of multiple loves and personal connections less complicated than that of a monogamous relationship. The best way to understand the lifestyle is to think about your friendships: people usually have multiple close friends they love dearly, there is no such thing as monogamous friendship and the thought of having one friend you care about for the rest of your life is absurd. Different friends fulfill different needs and regardless of what need is being fulfilled, people love and care for multiple friends at once. This thought process helps clarify and justify how polyamorous relationships work. In order for these alternative relationships to function, both partners must agree that one person is not capable of fulfilling his or her needs from sexual to intellectual stimulation and are content with finding partners to meet each need.

Critics of the various types of monogamy believe that participants are at a higher risk of contracting STIs. Because people believe they are involved in a type of monogamous relationship, they may overlook the fact that their version of monogamy consists of several partners increasing their risk of contracting an STI if they are involved in high-risk sexual activities. Whether having open relationships, swinging or being involved in several loving relationships at once, it is not easy to keep track of each partner’s sexual endeavors. These types of relationships may focus on keeping a person emotionally happy which may cause one to forget about keeping oneself physically healthy. Similar to casual sex, the only way to go about high-risk relationships when there is more than one partner involved is to have safe sex. Taking precautions and practicing safe sex even within polyamorous relationships keeps you and those you care for healthy and enables you to continue showing your partner how much you love him or her repeatedly.

These types of relationships may contradict the meaning of monogamy but definitions like relationships evolve with time. Serial monogamy, much like lifelong monogamy and the other variants, are not for everyone. The only way for any person to be happy in any kind of relationship is if you are in the type that makes you the most comfortable. It seems that more and more people are becoming comfortable with letting go of the belief that monogamy is natural and there is one person that we are meant to spend the rest of our life with. As more let go of the fantasy, classic monogamy may just become the newest taboo.