Got a question about your sex life? Don't be shy, and don't die wondering. Send your quandaries and curiosities to: SexHerald.

Dear SexHerald Advisor,

During intercourse, my vaginal secretions seem to have diminished and feel almost dried up. Please advise me on the best solution.

Dry

Dear Dry,

For starters, I’d recommend trying a good water-based lubricant, like the kind you might find at your local adult store or even in the family planning aisle at your pharmacy, such as KY or Astroglide. Lube can greatly enhance sex, even if vaginal dryness isn’t an issue, and you should never be ashamed of using it; it’s not related to your health at all.

You said you noticed it recently, so maybe you’re not enjoying the sex as much anymore. Getting turned off during sex can dry up your vagina. You can tell your partner and maybe s/he can try to remedy the situation by getting you turned on again (going down on you, touching body parts that are your favorite erogenous zones, etc). If you’re using condoms, they tend to dry out a woman’s vagina and a water-based (not oil-based) lubricant is your best choice. If this problem persists, or the lube doesn’t do it for you, you should probably discuss it with your OB-GYN.

Dear SexHerald Advisor,

What is shibari? It sounds so exotic and sexy.

Shibari Curious

Dear S,

Shibari, which literally means “to bind” in Japanese, is a word used to describe the practice of kinbaku, the art of erotic Japanese rope bondage. Some people use the terms shibari and kinbaku interchangeably.  Aesthetics are considered important to shibari enthusiasts, especially the placement and positioning of the bound person (also called the ‘bottom’). Shibari seems to differ from Western-style rope bondage in that it has an added purpose besides restraint; in shibari, the bottom is said to derive pleasure from the way the ropes put pressure on the body parts that are tied up.

Dear SexHerald Advisor,

What is “gender fluid?” How can someone be “gender fluid?” Is it a choice?

Fluid Gender

Dear F,

What a complex and interesting question. I’ll try to keep my answer from devolving into a thesis on gender in modern times. Gender fluid typically means that your biologically assigned gender—male or female—is sort of irrelevant. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with sex (as in fucking) as much as with sex (as in gender).

Some people see being ‘gender fluid’ or ‘genderqueer’ as a nongender, and some consider it a sort of third gender that complements the traditional biological distinctions  ‘male’ and ‘female.’

It’s not exactly a new phenomenon, or merely an American thing. It’s not for me to say that being gender fluid is a choice or something more innate. Every person is an individual, and whether they describe themselves as male, female, transgender, or gender fluid is a question that can only be answered by that particular person. I mean, we’re all still people, right? For more information, see this month’s Human Sexuality article.