Sexual Advice and Consulting

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Dear Thalia,

I am in my mid-30s, and I have never been able to achieve orgasm without the help of electrical stimulation. It's not that I lack desire or experience. I have lots of both, and not just vanilla or hetero sex, either. But I cannot even pleasure myself to orgasm manually. It’s okay with my partner; he says some women can't even come at all. But I would love to be able to come without the help of toys. What can I do?

Dear Liadan,

Your partner is not wrong; many women have trouble achieving orgasm without some aid—many can’t even orgasm whatsoever! Maybe you're just very used to the supersonic stimulation that a vibrator offers (imagine what it was like before those were widespread)! Sometimes, after too much electrical stimulation your clit just needs a rest. Try a vibrator vacation for a few days and try the good ol’ fashion way: sex and some oral stimulation. For most women, clitoral stimulation is more achievable than a vaginal one.

And fixating too much on the handmade orgasm just might be psyching you out more than helping you. Just relax and explore. Go slow. Then go fast. See what you like. Have your current partner lend a hand (or tongue). You can try playing porn in the background, reading an erotic novel, anything to get you highly aroused. Some people find it easier to reach orgasm when highly aroused. Whatever you do, make it a fun game and don't get stressed out if there's no orgasm. Just do what feels good.

Thalia

Dear Thalia,

I find myself sort of attracted to women sometimes. Not all women. I want to flirt with them, but don't want to lead them on. And I don't want to lead someone on only to let her down by realizing that I really do prefer men.  I wouldn't even call myself bisexual. Sure, I've made out with a limited number of girls (mostly during games of Truth or Dare). But I don't want to give up cock just yet.

To Bi or Not to Bi

Dear Bi,

Don't rush to label yourself! Maybe it's real love, or maybe it's just a girl crush… who cares? In this millennium, we have the luck to live in a pansexual society full of choices. No one's saying you have to give up either gender or aim for an even 50/50 split in your sex life. It's all about who turns you on. Go with your heart. Take a cue from aging rock icon Stephen Stills and "love the one you're with." Just remember that if you choose to go through with your experimentation, you let the other party know your situation so that you don’t lead them on. Best way to go about it is to gather like-minded females like yourself, have the booze flowing, and let the experimentation begin. When it’s all over—for better or worse—at least you can confidently say you’ve tried it before you knocked it.

Thalia

Dear Thalia,

My awesome gal pal just told me that she's trangendered. She's actually a guy… or was a guy? I'm really confused about how to address and introduce friend X now.

Pat or Pat

Dear Pat,
 
It's polite to ask a transgender person how they would like to be addressed/identified and what pronouns they prefer (she, he, s/he, ze, sie, hir…). It shows that you care about how they feel on the inside, and possibly appear on the outside.

It is NOT ok to ask if your friend has opted for genitalia-altering surgery. Whether or not your friend has opted for sexual reassignment surgery is none of your beeswax. Would knowing that change how much fun X is to go shopping with?

Thalia

Note: This advice is purely the opinion of the SexHerald.com advice column
writer(s), and does not necessarily reflect the views or positions of any owners, management, shareholders, writers, or staff of SexHerald.com, and is not intended to take the place of any professional advice that you may seek or receive from a licensed counselor.