By Tobly McSmith
Cu-cummmm-ber
Before there were sex toy shops and endless websites selling everything from vibrators to massive butt plugs, where did the ladies go to pleasure themselves while their husbands were at work? I can see it now, Jane Housewife furiously chopping up vegetables for a salad and suddenly realizing how incredible phallic the cucumber, the carrot, even the eggplant are. After a good scrubbing, she’s on the kitchen floor banging away on herself with a cucumber that won’t make it into the salad for dinner that night. Why did that never make it into an episode of Leave It to Beaver?
Well in honor of beavers everywhere, let’s get freaky with the cucumber. Thanks to modern-day technology we can upgrade our veggie sex. Take a cucumber, clean and big, cut an inch or so off either end, and hollow out the cuke with a spoon, knife, whatever works and is handy. Slip a vibrating bullet or pocket rocket into the hole and let it rip. Voila, instant vibrating cucumber! Rub the smooth, quaking cucumber all over your lover’s body especially the hard, bitable nipple. Bag up the cucumber in a condom, rip her apron off and lay her down on the kitchen floor. Spread her legs, throw them over your shoulders and put her daily recommended serving of vegetable in the wettest orifice available. Moving the cucumber in and out, slow, and then fast and you’ll have June Cleaver’s beaver begging for more. Cu-cummmm-ber
Difficulty: 
 Email this review to a friend
|
