If you’ve recently given birth, lost or ended a pregnancy, you might ask yourself: When will you be able or want to have sex again? For every couple, each pregnancy will have different results. Some couples are ready to have sex within a month, while others will endure more complications. Sometimes, resuming sex after a pregnancy might be physically and emotionally distressing.  

Most doctors recommend waiting between 4-6 weeks before having sex after a pregnancy to give a woman’s body time to recover. The uterus needs to contract to the pre-pregnancy size. The cervix needs to close. The postpartum bleeding has to stop, and there may be tears, cuts or lacerations in the vaginal region. A woman needs to heal before having sexual intercourse after becoming a mother. A woman recuperating from a caesarian section may need more time. However, many couples who feel ready have sex as early as four weeks after giving birth. Other couples wait longer than six weeks. 

During the post-pregnancy recovery period, couples should continue to be intimate. It is important for the couple to stay connected as a couple—not just as parents. There are many ways that couples can stay close without having intercourse, such as kissing, stroking  cuddling, among other traditional embraces. Never fail to maintain close contact with each other. Mutual masturbation is another method of providing each other pleasure without having penetration.

It is important to resume regular sexual activities when both partners feel ready. Having sex is healthy for women after giving birth. It’s useful in helping the uterus return to normal size, not to mention other many positive effects on health. Intercourse and orgasms release oxytocin in the brain that helps the body feel better and does wonders both mentally and emotionally. Having sex can also help women feel better about themselves, their bodies and help them feel more attractive.

Physical factors that may affect the return to a healthy sex life

Of all the things that may influence your return to a healthy sex life, exhaustion is at the top of the list. During the first few months, most infants want to be fed every couple of hours, and no one living with a newborn is able to get a full night’s sleep. New parents may not be in the mood for sex. New mothers may feel that free time would be better spent sleeping. New babies may not sleep at convenient times, so both partners will have to adapt to the new person’s schedule.    
 
Along with adapting to a new schedule, couples will need to adapt to changes in a woman’s body, particularly changes to the vagina. Vaginal tissue is elastic. It will stretch for the birth of a child. After the birth, the vagina will likely feel different. Women experience many hormonal changes during and after a pregnancy, so there may be a greater need for extra lubrication when engaging in post-birth sex. Couples need to give themselves time to get to know each others’ bodies again. Couples should try different positions to find the ones that feel good for both partners now and should talk about what feels good. Communication is the key to getting the sex life started again. Couples who try having sex before the first post-natal appointment should discuss any pain or problems they are having during intercourse with their doctor.

Pain will also influence the speed at which a couple can start having sex again. The post-pregnancy vaginal area may be very sore, making sexual intercourse uncomfortable. If a woman had an episiotomy, a small cut between the vagina and anus to make childbirth easier, she may need more time to heal. A recent mother who has had this procedure may suffer additional pain during sex.

Breast sensitivity is another issue for new mothers. New mother’s breasts are full of milk. Whether women choose to breastfeed or not, this could be an uncomfortable experience. The nipples may leak milk, even without stimulation. Women who nurse may have very sensitive breasts and nipples. Some women won’t want their breasts touched for this reason. Breastfeeding can cause women to experience vaginal dryness, even with stimulation. If your partner is breastfeeding, be sure to use lubrication when sexual intercourse is initiated to smoothen up the ride.

Emotional factors that may affect the return to a healthy sex life

After giving birth, some women become depressed in what is known as postpartum depression. One of the signs can be a disinterest in anything and everything, including sex. Depressed women need a supportive environment, which includes family, friends and medical professionals. Partners should be understanding and know that new mothers need reassurance that it is normal to feel tired and overwhelmed. Partners need to help out where they can and spend time alone with the new mothers.

Many women also don’t feel attractive after giving birth. Women find themselves trying to lose weight and fit into their pre-pregnancy clothes. However, weight loss is difficult whether dealing with a post-pregnancy or not. As a result, they feel stuck; they’re tired of the pregnancy clothes, yet the pre-pregnancy clothes don’t quite fit and emotional distress ensues.

On top of that, women worry about how their partners will perceive them after the pregnancy. Women are noticing so many changes in their own bodies, they think that their partners won’t be interested in them anymore. They worry about how their partners will feel about having sex with them after giving birth. It is important to reassure the new mothers that while the sex may be different, they still enjoy it.

Loss or termination

Women who lost or terminated a pregnancy will also have physical and emotional issues. Their bodies may require the same time for recovery. The same physical changes will occur to the uterus, breasts and vagina. There will be emotional changes as well. Losing or ending a pregnancy can be very difficult and some women will experience depression. Partners need to be patient and understanding. It is okay, and even a good idea to seek outside help as men and women may deal with loss in different ways.

Things to keep in mind once sex resumes

Once couples begin having sex again, they should not forget that birth control is necessary to prevent another pregnancy. Even if a woman is breastfeeding, she still needs to use some form of contraception. Doctors recommend using condoms. Women who are breastfeeding should avoid using hormonal contraceptives. The birth control hormones could end up in the breast milk, and will have an effect on the baby. Talk to a doctor about other forms of birth control.
 
Staying intimate is important. Having sex again can be emotionally as well as physically draining. Couples need to continue to communicate with each other about how they are feeling. Women often have very strong emotional connections with sex. Resuming a normal sex life may take time. To feel comfortable having sex again after such a physically taxing event as childbirth, women will need to feel the strong emotional and mental connection with their partners. Spooning, being close, and massaging each other are all methods of maintaining closeness without intercourse. This can help new mothers feel comfortable enough to relax and enjoy the sex.

Lube Up

Pregnancy changes many aspects of a couple’s life and a woman’s body. Sex is no exception. Partners need to get to know each other and each others’ bodies again as they enter a phase of life radically different from previous stages of their relationship. Sometimes, the best method is the most simple: Take it slow and talk to each other. Remember that foreplay is important, and that lubrication can help!