Site: www.ukballoongirls.com Cost: 30 days: $29.99, 90 days: $59.99, 180 days: $100.00 Genres:: Fetish, British, Comedy, Softcore, Solo Condoms: No One-line summary: British broads lick balloons instead of some bloke’s balls. Reviewer: Scott Axelrod

Rating:

You’ve probably already been acquainted with at least a few of the funny fetishes that our British brethren have managed to bring to light over the instructional sex manual that is the Internet. From “Sploshing,” that finds folks scavenging through cupboards and refrigerators for the chance to roll around and roger each other while slathered in everything from baked beans, rice pudding and porridge, to “Dogging,” wherein some slutty bird services random blokes hanging around car parks hoping for a hummer from a horny stranger. In this particular English kink collection you’re invited to a party over at UKBalloonGirls.com, a reasonably sized site brimming with half-naked babes getting frisky with colorful balloons.

If a hot young piece, sitting on, licking on, kissing on, rubbing on and popping all sizes, shapes and colors of everyone’s favorite party favor gets you all inflated in the pants, then this rubbery and repetitious soft-core symposium on the art of getting off to non-lubricated latex should probably have you blowing one off after only a few puffs. Through just around nine pages of high/low resolution pic galleries paired with short matching, streaming Windows Media Player-formatted video clips, things float from one lassie to the next who happens to be doing something only slightly different with the room full of balloons that she happens to be hanging out in. Oh yeah, some of them take out their tits, just in case you’ve never seen a chick’s “balloons” next to actual, authentic balloons.

With the unfortunate lack of anyone skilled in the making of dirty balloon sculptures, or the ability to inflate balloons with their boxes, there isn’t much further entertainment value to be found here unless you have a sincerely hardcore girls-fucking-around-with-balloons fetish. There isn’t even a single word or thought balloon (a la comics) to be found anywhere here, which would have at least added some sort of original, inventive touch—at least I thought so. Mostly all of the ladies are good-looking enough however for a quick flip through the page’s pages, but it’s highly unlikely that fans of fuck sites will feel the urge to sit back and juggle their bollocks here for longer than a few minutes, if even that long.

Fans of fetish-specific sites like UKBalloonGirls.com are obviously the core audience the site seeks membership sign-ups from, while the overly curious with cash to spare also make up a probable percentage of viewers. But, for those without the coin and the ability to come up with anything constructive to do, you could try finding an open-minded female friend willing to don a bikini, take a quick trip to your local party supply store and film/photograph the same few minutes of pointless fun on your iPhone. Cheers!