Site: www.teamtushy.com Cost: 3 day trial: $7.21, 30 days: $34.81, 90 days: $49.90 Genres:: Anal, Anthology, Female Ejaculation, Gonzo, Hardcore, Orgy, Porn-star Condoms: No One-line summary: Hey, the Assman’s back in town, oh wait, it’s Seymore Butts! Reviewer: Scott Axelrod

Rating:

In the world of adult entertainment (and prank phone calls), no name strikes as stiff of a woody, and childish giggles, like that of entreporneur Adam Glasser, pardon me, Seymore Butts. With his own hit premium cable reality show Family Business (that my Mom is a fan of), and a fully stocked library of over 70 films to his credit, Seymore (and his kosher frank) is considered one of the industry’s most distinguished stars/directors, and one of gonzo porn’s founding fathers.

Butts' official site, TeamTushy.com, is an eye-catching presentation filled with a thick choking load of content. Six photo galleries contain thousands of high-quality hardcore screencaps featuring the young fresh-faced girls of his films, with a few more recognizable ones occasionally popping up. Make a game out of it that plays out like an X-rated Where’s Waldo?—I spotted Taylor Hayes, Dee, Belladonna, and Herschel Savage. You know him, he's that older guy from Debbie Does Dallas (and about 600 other movies) who’s in at least one scene in every VHS compilation you’ve ever fast-forwarded through. Surprisingly, Seymore himself is absent from most of these particular pics, choosing not to include any stills of himself having intercourse, but rather, posing besides penetration shots starring someone else’s pecker. Seymore’s scrapbook of personal appearances, on-the-set snapshots, behind-the-scenes digital camera pics, and even a collection of potential porn-star Polaroids, saturate the rest of this area. A small arrangement of Seymore’s assistant-turned-actress Mari Possa is collected under another link.

The movie section of the site contains 73 films, broken down into separate Window Media streaming clips. Each of these are a few minutes in length, and offer a great preview for those interested in starting their own Butts collection. Mostly all of the greatest hits from the collection happen to be here including: “House of Ass,” “Poetic Just Ass,” “I Did Her My Way,” “Musical Tushies,” “Tushy Con Carne,” “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Backdoor,” “Behind the Sphinc Door,” and even “Buttholes are Forever.” The picture and sound quality are very good, and the streams run very smoothly. Eighty-seven syndicated feeds of various genres include “Black Poles in White Holes” and “Roman Bath House, and video games like “Cockgobbler,” “Bust a Nut,” and “Anal Invaders,” are also offered.

As a public service, Seymore provides detailed tips on anal sex techniques, how to make your lady “flow like a faucet,” and some half-assed instructions on getting yourself started in the adult entertainment business. Here, he claims that the Internet gold rush has come and gone, but that there are still opportunities for savvy, creative people. This cheered me up a little bit. Adam Glasser is the kind of kind of guy who shows us that any putz with a putz, an obsession with the word “tushy,” and a lot of ambition, can see their dreams realized. All it takes is a little bit of luck, a little bit of lube, and a few people willing to fuck on film. I curse myself every day for wasting those four precious years in college.

Mr. Butts, sir, do you mind if I call you Seymore? If you’re reading this, a room full of hot chicks taking it in the tushy is something I can totally deal with. I’m also available for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks!