Reviewed by Scott Axelrod
As an online salute to Howard Stern’s favorite in-studio sex machine, SybianSolos.com proves that there is always more than one way to skin a pussy, or at least to make it cum. Like a miniature mechanical bull with a penis-shaped unicorn’s horn sticking up out of its saddle, the Sybian has become synonymous with converting even the most sexually cynical into faithful believers once they're subjected to its multiple orgasm-inducing abilities. While the site might not be a second-cumming, it definitely works as an explicit infomercial starring a bevy of babes who eagerly board the device without so much as a question of possible poonani electrocution or singed pubes.
The handful of firm, toned blonde and brunette volunteers all appear solo in single page photo galleries in which they quickly strip down to become acquainted with this most relaxed and quiet of partners. Most choose to kick things off with giving the pink rubber penis a little head before mounting and inserting the already aroused faux wiener. These shots are relatively clear, but offer very little besides the girls sitting on the machine, rubbing themselves and making different version of the famous O-face.
Where Howard’s visitors (including Jenna, Tera and Carmen Electra) only rub the outsides of their lady parts against the multi-speed, vibrating, interchangeable penis part of the Sybian, all of the performers here go the full penetration route, humping and grinding it to the point where you think it’s about to bust through the floor. This action is captured in the just over 10-minute long videos included on each gal’s page. Streamable/downloadable in QuickTime, Windows Media Player, iPod and PSP formats, these can be watched in separate clips or as full scenes. While they all work well, it only takes a couple of them for you to become completely familiar with every aspect of the machine and what it does to those who use it—an allegedly intense, body-quaking orgasm. There isn’t much of a noticeable difference from one girl’s experience to the next as they test it out, and the whole experience of the site becomes boring and repetitious relatively quickly.
Bonus sites here include JennaHaze.com, AssFixation.com, CumintheFace.com and PremiumPass.com. SybianSolos.com itself isn’t the worst solo masturbation site out there, but the fact that it’s limited to one very specific type of sex performance can essentially become classified as just another one trick pony. Although, a one trick pony with a high-speed dildo attached to it isn’t necessarily something online porn purchasers are going to take to the streets and organize protest marches against.
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