Site: www.lovechess.nlThe Age of Egypt Cost: $24.99 Genres:: Games Condoms: N/A One-line summary: "LoveChess was the first erotic game that showed sexual action in a stylish, humorous and light-hearted way." Reviewer: SexHerald Staff

Rating:

Erection to vagina. Check! Lippage to boner. Checkmate! I’ve never really liked the game of chess. That’s because whenever I hear the word "chess," I imagine two people who belong to MENSA sitting by themselves in their mother’s basement alone with a board in front of them and chess pieces amassed along the borders. And, they’re 35 years old. But now, you don’t have to imagine that; there’s a new type of chess in town: LoveChess, The Age of Egypt. Forget about being thought of as a nerd or a geek because you like the game chess. Now, you can be thought of as that guy who showed us about naked chess pieces having sex with each other.

Set in ancient Egypt, LoveChess takes players back to the days where King Tut was alive and when pyramids didn’t have anything to do with Amway. The game is in 3-D, and the graphics are awesome. For not really being interested in the game itself, LoveChess gave me a chance to not only learn about a believe-it-or-not cool game, but it gave me a slight chubby throughout it.

Separated into men versus women, with the men being the black pieces and the women being the white, LoveChess allows members to play against the computer or against a person. Whatever the case, you’ll have a blast as the graphics, the era-themed music, and the sexual positions and acts the pieces do when a capture is involved are both stunning and dazzling. That’s right, I said sexual positions.

When a man captures another man, the two engage in different sexual positions that are both realistic and ones that make you think, "Holy shit, I’d break my back or penis doing that." This occurs for a few seconds, with the POV going to an aerial one and the board spinning around in a 360 degree angle to show members what the graphics look like all around. It’s pretty damn cool, I might add. I never got an erection while playing it, not because the graphics were bad but because I actually started to learn the game and began to get interested. After the third game, I actually beat the computer. Then I beat myself because my chubby was getting annoying.

I gave the site a perfect 5 rating because it both teaches and entertains. And as the homepage truthfully states, "LoveChess was the first erotic game that showed sexual action in a stylish, humorous and light-hearted way." Pretty soon, I’ll be ready to play against Big Blue. But for now, I’ll be ready for Big Blue... Balls.