Reviewed by Scott Axelrod
Stemming from the Latin word vaccus, a vacuum is basically defined as a space without any form of matter in it. The first vacuum pump was invented by the German physicist Otto von Guerricke in 1650. It is a common misnomer that a vacuum causes suction, when in fact, the suction caused by a vacuum is the pressure of the atmosphere tending to rush in and fill the unoccupied space. In the case of the “pussy pumpa” utilized in KickAssPussyPump.com, the air removed by the pump causes the complete vaginal package of the labias majora and minora, and the clitoris, to become completely engorged, thus filling the unoccupied space. Unfortunately, we’ll never know if Herr Guerricke could predict that his discovery would lead to such a bizarre experiment presented in the form of hardcore porn website. Nonetheless, if he is turning in his grave, he might have a stiffy preventing him from a complete rotation.
The 45 ladies featured, and the gentlemen webmasters might not have physics degrees, but they’ve put together a uniquely original site. The premise is somewhat simple. Each girl is featured in a photo gallery, a video, or both. In these we find the “pussy pump,” that I can best describe as a combination of a blood-pressure-cuff pump connected to an oxygen mask by a plastic tube. The oxygen-mask part is applied directly to the pussy region of the female who in turn pumps the pump until her pussy becomes pumped up. The results I can best describe as odd-looking, or similar to cartoonish caricatures of Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, and Angelina Jolie’s lips, brought to pink and fleshy life. All of the girls seem to enjoy this temporary, quick, and cheap enhancement, and anxiously put these newly puffed-up poonanis to work. We’re never told what the point of this is, but if you’re still reading up to this point, do you really care?
The photo galleries contain a large amount of high-quality photos divided between solo posing, the pussy pumping, and the ladies getting pumped in the more literal sense by various guys. If the majority of the women featured here aren’t amateurs, then I need to study the porn-star Yellow Pages more intensely. There are a number of real lookers here, and you’re given the option of using a quick-reacting search engine to find a gal based on various physical components, the type of activities you’d like to see her engaged in, other extremely specific categories, or you can just look through all of them page-by-page.
The videos are viewable in high or low quality, and can be streamed or downloaded to Windows Media Player or QuickTime. These can be watched in their entirety, or you can click on one of the many thumbnail-sized screencaps, and choose a piece of the scene a la carte. Each quick-loading and smooth-running clip includes all the pussy-pumping and the girls getting pumped festivities. Returning to the main page, you'll find a whole new “members' area” link offering photos and videos of over 400 girls as part of The Kick Ass Pictures Network. Here you have full access to other exclusive sites: Black Jelly, Chica Boom, Barefoot Confidential, and others. Familiar faces include: Taryn Thomas (FAME awards dirtiest-girl-in-porn winner), Jessica Darlin, Dee, Ashley Blue, and Rebecca Lord, perform various feats, along with over 180 pages of other standout ladies.
KickAssPussyPump.com might not appeal to the less adventurous or more traditional adult-content consumer, but it does however fill that vacuum created by a vast majority of unoriginal sites posting clichéd material you’ve already seen. Its unique variation on the more well-known penis pump is clever, and even if you dismiss it as a gimmicky parlor trick or freak’s fetish, there’s still plenty here for you to pump your spud to.
Email this review to a friend
|