Site: www.internethookups.com Cost: $29.95/month, with 3-day $4.99 trial membership available Genres:: Straight, Amateurs Condoms: Yes One-line summary: The site doesn't exactly deliver what it promises, but you get quality straight threesomes and a slew of bonus sites to boot. Reviewer: SexHerald Staff

Rating:

The splash page for www.internethookups.com makes bold promises of pickup mojo. “FIND THE SECRETS TO GETTING LAID ONLINE! LEARN HOW TO PUMP ‘EM AND DUMP ‘EM!” To the right of the screen is a shot of what looks like a step-by-step tutorial program for picking up tarts online, sort of like the mpegs on your computer that walk you through setting up your email program or formatting your resume. I eagerly typed in my password with high hopes of online hookup testimonials, advice forums ... maybe a hentai-style interactive game. Alas, what we have here is a merely a basic site that follows the typical straight double-team scenario. The angle of the quick hookup fantasy isn’t played up much and is quickly discarded once the actors get together in front of the cameraman.

All the movies feature the same rather schlubby guys, the same vaguely Fox-TV-star-ish women. The gripe I have with this is the gripe I have with the entire straight porn industry: the aesthetic bar is lower for the male actors. It’s all very standard two-guys, one-girl stuff, with one scenario of two-girls, one-guy. (I did find a little Easter egg tucked away in this month’s gallery starring Sassy - two shots of some of the site’s male actors gettin’ it on! The innocuous way they were tucked into the sequence reminded me of younger days, when the inevitable “I just sucked off my buddy and liked it” letter would pop up amongst all the wife-swapping stories in my sweaty stolen copy of PENTHOUSE FORUM. Precious memories, how they linger.)

Don’t get me wrong - it can be a comfort to know that your monthly fee goes toward solid, unsurprising smut. If you’re into straight threesomes, it’s likely you’ll blow a load at some point while browsing through the user-friendly library of featured actresses (fifteen as of this writing). Each actress has her own movie (thoughtfully broken into individual clips or presented as a whole, and downloadable) and still gallery. The photography is clear and sharp, the camerawork steady, and the movies play without a hitch. Click on both ‘’Extra Features” and “Bonus Sites” and you’ll be taken to a sample of the ring of sites your membership lets you access, all in the same basic format but in many different genres. This helps take the sting out of paying thirty bucks for unimaginative content. Each site also features an “XXX Movies” library with unrelated content, again divided into genres.

A good investment for the casual mastubator and the jpeg trader, www.internethookups.com doesn’t really gyp you. Your log-in does ultimately lead to a hell of a lot of porn, after all, and no-hassle access to professionally done images is worth money. But I have to say that I long for more variety and imagination with my straight fucking.