Reviewed by SexHerald Staff
Hustler Video and Director Jerome Tanner have outdone themselves with The Da Vinci Load, a star-studded sexual tour de force that is sure to please any fan of comical plot oriented porn. The immortal Haily Paige stars as a coy detective who, with her partner John Brown discover a dead man in an unnamed museum with a cryptic message written in semen: “Teabag Nadia Saint.”
Dr. Saint, played by the skilled-beyond-her-years Missy Monroe, is a penis profiler and a professor who lectures to her class on her belief in ejaculatory divineness, where a woman may achieve clairvoyance of the cock through a man’s natural bridge to God during orgasm. She demonstrates one’s ability to tell the difference between great cum and bad cum by taking on two male students in front of the class. After expertly pleasing both men with her mouth and a series of predictable positions, we are treated to a rare classy display of double penetration, Monroe, as always, convincing and engaging. With her students fervently taking notes, the two men have a brilliant cum shot on her glasses.
We are introduced to the killer, who rendezvous with three very cute looking girls driving an ice cream truck. After a brief conversation about popsicles, the gorgeous Joey Hart treats us to a professional blowjob before the two move into a vacant house outside the truck. With a constant smile, Hart convinces me she is genuinely enjoying herself when she executes an inspiring reverse cowgirl while still wearing her white sneakers, followed by an engrossing cum shot. After receiving a call, Hart thanks her lover by shooting him in the head off camera.
Our Detective Brown, through Dr. Saint’s actions in telepathically jacking off the dead, follows a lead to “a skanky brunette with an aromatic crotch”, a prostitute played by Tory Lane. She tells of how she was the last to fuck the dead man in the museum. The reenactment cements Lane’s role as a hooker, but it is carried out in a celebratory fashion: her whole body rocks to her convincing blowjob. The actor is flabby and uninteresting, but Lane more than makes up for it, even covering up a botched cumshot by having his load dribble out the sides of her mouth.
It is at this point we meet the man of whom the cryptic splooge spoke of: Dr. Lee Teabag. Through him we learn the murder involves the theft of the Mona Lisa, which DaVinci painted with his own cum. “Why do you think she’s smiling?”. Through his conversation with Dr. Saint and the following scene with our lead actress Haley Paige, we learn of the mysterious Priory of Semen, who have collected the sperm of the righteous over the years, and with new technology will use DaVinci’s ancient sperm to impregnate one of their own.
After this realization, Lee and our hero girl cop have sex that follows the routine of the others: blowjob, eating out, sex in two positions, cumshot. But sometimes you shouldn’t mess with a winning formula. Paige has an amazing ability to convince me she is an amateur with her genuine shyness, but drives to a crescendo with her toned adult movie star skill. Things get interesting after he has finished on her face.
Paige has clairvoyance of her own and sees herself in the mystical priory, where they engage in a six woman free-for-all involving Paige, Monroe, Charlotte Stokely, Eva Angelina, Jasmine Tame and Michelle Maylene. Normally all girl isn’t my thing, but with their creative use of several types of dildos, strap-on sex and group scenes of all manner of combinations, I must admit this one was quite engaging. Their costumes consisting of robes and masks taken off to the command of a staff set quite a fanciful mood.
With no background music and plot-driven sex, those that expect gonzo will be thoroughly disappointed in this close-to-two hour film with more plot than sex, but those with patience will enjoy hilarious lines and some well shot, very sexy performances by some of porn’s best stars. TheDaVinciLoad
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