Reviewed by SexHerald Staff
The Collectionistas should have been subtitled "looking for masks in all the wrong places," since most of the plotline is apparently buried several inches in someone's ass. This movie both starts and ends inexplicably with WWII footage, including trench warfare and aerial bombing. Whether this is some sort of bizarre sexual metaphor is unclear, but it does set the tone for the general disjointedness that pervades the entire103 minutes.
While most porn is formulaic, this one is almost clockwork. Every single sex scene goes something like this: Man sees woman. Woman sucks man's cock. Man either briefly licks woman's pussy or briefly does her from the female superior position. Man puts cock in woman's ass, where it stays for the remainder of the scene, exiting only to be sucked on by the woman and reinserted into her ass. This cringe-inducing lack of hygiene is repeated several times, without condoms or pause between front and rear. The best scene is a table dance on mirrored glass by a chain mail-clad blonde. However, between clips of her beautiful writhing body are interposed shots of the man, a black-leather and sunglasses wearing guy who looks more perplexed than aroused. When he finally does figure out what to do with her, it's yet another boring blowjob and anal scene.
While the women are generally attractive, if a little on the small-breasted side, only one of them knows how to give head. The rest just suck rhythmically which makes for some very boring watching. The men range from the fairly good-looking protagonist, a young man who actually shaved for the part, to hairy old men in button down shirts and mullets. The men don't look like they're enjoying themselves at all (even during a lousy blowjob, you don't expect a guy to stay totally silent with no expression on his face), though who can blame them? With such great sexual maneuvers as whapping a girl in the face with his dick or slamming himself into her ass at one tempo for fifteen minutes, he's going to be bored. Plus, everyone is dubbed into English by voice actors who model themselves very poorly on Marlon Brando. Think Jersey City accents without the charm.
The filmography looks like an odd combination of a Discovery Channel program on Italy and Telemundo; I half expected a history lesson on Tuscany in the middle. The camera angles are interesting, but someone went way too happy with the editing. First they're clothed, then she's in a bra fucking, then suddenly she's naked! and then he's naked! and then.... It's jarring and means that there aren't any shots of their actually starting or finishing having sex. With only two facials and one extremely pathetic cum shot, it's not a movie for people who enjoy watching orgasms.
Anal aficionados will be thrilled with this movie, since every girl gets it up the ass in at least three different ways, but there's little else of merit. TheCollectionistas
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