Reviewed by SexHerald Staff
There’s a strange and rarely remarked upon thing about porn: the clothes and hair always seem between five and 10 years out of date. I can’t imagine why this might be, and most of the time it goes unnoticed. But watching a porn that’s already eight years old, the effect is accentuated. If you didn’t know better you might think Smooth Ride, produced in 1996, was from the mid- to late-1980s. The hair is big, the make-up is overdone and the clothes… well, there are a lot of ruffles.
For some people this won’t be a problem (and could even be a bonus, depending on the depth of your Cyndi Lauper fetish), but I found it a little distracting. The technical characteristics don’t help much, either, with the sort of flat, bright lighting that’s become a visual cliché for porn in the video era. The sets are so obviously fake and the performers so unfamiliar with their lines that it might be a parody of a porn, or maybe a Saturday Night Live skit.
The plot, such as it is, concerns an underdog escort service owned and operated by Jill Kelly and her female staff. The villain is a rival escort service owner so sneeringly obnoxious you can only laugh when you see him (think greasy Corey Feldman haircut, Duran Duran sunglasses and all-black wardrobe). He’s bought up all Kelly’s outstanding debts and is threatening a takeover is they aren’t paid within 24 hours. Since his objective is clearly the takeover of his competitor, you wonder why he even gives them this much time, but the writers apparently haven’t thought that far ahead. After several plans to raise the cash fail and all hope appears lost, a former customer appears and explains that he and a friend can raise the money in hours via “a little something called international finance.” Of course. International finance. Why didn’t I think of that? “All this talk about money is making me horny,” says the relieved entrepreneur, and they proceed to have group sex.
And the sex, once you get past the eighties veneer, is solid if unremarkable. This is straight-up hardcore, nothing fancy or unpredictable. The highlight is the very first scene, as Kelly “interviews” a new hire in a moving limousine. There’s a kinky suddenness to the sex, and Kelly, with her heavy eyeliner and overdone hair, is an appealingly trampy performer. The film also claims to be Kelly’s first anal scene, though there’s nothing especially notable about it. A later FFM scene in which Kelly and an employee thank a mechanic for some cut-rate auto work is also above average, thanks largely to the garage setting and the employee’s pouty schoolgirl look. SmoothRide
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