Title: Smooth as Satin Studio: Hustler Video Director: Frank Thring Cast: Tiffany Diamond, Alicia Rhodes, Vanda, Samantha, Daphne, Kelli, Alissa, Lee Henshaw, Nick Lang, Steve Cooper, Darren Edwards, Frank Thring Genres:: Group Sex, Anal, Foreign, Interracial Condoms: No One-line summary: Girls from around the world, lots of group sex, and acting so bad it's funny. Reviewer: SexHerald Staff

Rating:

The acting makes Smooth as Satin a fantastic example of the movie you can buy just to sit around with friends and make fun of. At times the whole thing borders on actually being a scathing satire, but for the most part it stays on the wrong side of the ridiculous-brilliant border. Frank Thring tries to bring his brand of on location porn-comedy to South Africa and the result is funny, but not for the reasons I think he intended.

Only one of about seven girls is a native English speaker. It’s obvious that every one of the six girls had to be coached through each and every one of their lines (each of which also seems to have required a separate take), giving dialogue deliveries that could only come from porn. At some point, the mix between over-eager slut and giggly porn debutante pushes you from cringing to smirking. While seeming like perfectly pleasant human beings, the girls of this movie serve as a potent reminder to me that the land of the blond ditz extends far beyond the borders of America.

Let it not be said that I am oblivious to an important fact here however: who gives a crap? Smooth as Satin is redeemed by the real staples of good porno – hot looking girls and a good deal of full contact fucking.

All the girls featured have the faces and bodies that would be guaranteed to turn your head at the shopping mall (and this movie has them all: blond, brunette, raven-haired). Countries represented include Ukraine, Hungary and I think only one girl from South Africa itself.

The sex itself I have to say can be a little lackluster. There doesn’t seem much doubt that shooting the scenes was enjoyable enough for the girls, but it was pretty rare that I was convinced (or even anywhere near being fooled into believing) that any of these girls were really getting off at any point (for a good counterexample within Hustler that shows how its done, try Young Girls in Lust 2). Although each girl moves pretty well, have bodies that are nice to watch in motion and are consistently moaning, the girls seemed to be concentrating mostly on adhering to an onscreen formula that was drilled into them – the actual sounds these girls make (“moaning” emphasis on the quotation marks) is a perfect example. Other than that – there were (thankfully) not too many superfluous close-ups, the techno music was a little lame, and the position variety was of standard quality.

Some porn suffers from a lack of group scenes; not so here. Smooth as Satin doesn’t have a single scene with less than three people, which I found refreshing. I found that the movie peaked during the last two scenes, which had the most number of people fucking. The very last was a seven person orgy, with nice overhead shots and commendable variety between sets of performers; my one complaint was that it could have been a little longer. The scene right before features one guy and three girls (you guessed it: blonde, brunette, black-haired), which I thought was great, even though it focused almost too much on the anal. Can I also just say how unbelievably beautiful it is to watch three heads go down on one dick?

Oh, and in case you’re curious about the plot – the movie opens with two girls (our blond Ukrainian contingent) employing the time-honored technique of securing a job dancing in Sun City, South Africa. Cut to Cape Town, where the two girls join the rest of the dancing team; upon arrival one particularly horny girl stays at home to fuck and suck two guys (picked up at the beach, one of which is our token black guy) while the others go sightseeing, and gets robbed for her troubles. The team hires themselves out to a call girl service to recover their financial losses – the first assignment being a lesbo scene between the Ukrainians while our man Frank Thring watches and is “serviced” (it’s a pretty funny cumshot here, watching the old man get off). Second assignment is aforementioned foursome, and getting their cash, the girls take off to Sun City in pursuit of the robbers, who they catch. In a twist allowed only by impeccable porn logic, revenge and retribution take the form of – wait for it – an orgy!

Even the on-location aspect of this film came up a little short. All that was special about it was shots of the girls touring Cape Town and Sun City in the most inane tourist fashion. With the exception of the scene involving Frank himself, which had the famous Cape Town Table Mountain in the background (ooh), every other sex scene could have been shot in LA.

Speaking of Frank, you can get an amusing contrast of impressions by watching the Director’s Profile (your cheeky, friendly Englishman) and the Behind the Scenes clip (“Will you tell the cunt in there who’s playing games to shut up?!... I’m trying to dialogue out here, you arse!”). The latter is a bit of a rip-off, including mostly footage that’s part of the movie itself. Another sign of a sloppily put together production is how the credits header reads “Soft as Satin. SmoothasSatin” Couldn’t even get the title right, guys?