Reviewed by Don Luis
Stop whatever you’re doing and buy this film. Alright, maybe you should keep reading, but when you’re done, buy this film. Adam and Eve and Digital Playground have gone so far beyond the call of duty on this production that I’m still aghast at the level of finish on every single portrayal. Even the opening credits sported animation sequences that would have made Disney/Pixar jealous.
Admittedly, I had been looking forward with anticipation to receiving this most recent adventure into the lexical reassignment of ‘feature porn.' However, forget everything I’ve ever said about Vivid and Wicked legitimizing porn as a viable career option. Anyone who has spent any time in countries outside of the United States knows that in place of the überviolence that pervades every last modality of our media, other cultures are inundated with a predilection for sensuality, and restorative sex.
This, then, is a major step towards normalization with the entirety of the planet’s industrialized nations. The story is solid, pockmarked here and there with special effects for which Digital Playground apparently had to create an entire visual effects studio. The costumes are all authentic period pieces to a fault, and actual actors stand in as extras necessary for the completion of the story. Digital mock ups of pirate ships rival the recent Johnny Depp captained vessels, and nowhere in the film are there hitches evidencing a less than mediocre handling of the material.
But what of the sex? Fear not, my intrepid adventurers, for there is plenty. In a tip of their collective three pointed hat to both Pirates of the Caribbean and Original Sin, Carmen Luvanna stars as the wife of businessman Manuel Valenzuela, who, after some loving goodnight sex with his beautiful new bride, is abducted from his nuptial bed by pirate Captain Vincent Stagnetti played by Tommy Gun. In the midst of all the action, Luvanna is knocked overboard, an unfortunate accident that results in her salvation as Stagnetti proceeds to sink the ship.
The escapades continue as the freshly minted pirate hunter Edward Reynolds (Evan Stone) and his exuberant first mate (Jesse Jane – who has been keeping the entire crew’s spirits high as they travel the high seas) retrieve Isabella(Luvanna) from the water and set off in search of Stagnetti and her husband. On an island populated entirely by pirates and immoral social rejects, Isabella is accosted by a group of pirates to perform in a girl on girl foray with Jenaveve Jolie for their captain’s birthday party, first mate Jules (Jane) witnesses a bizarre Incan ritual in the basement of a cathedral, but not until she’s managed to prove once again why she’s the top sailor with old flame Marco (Steven St. Croix).
Lascivious ladies of the night Devon and Teagan Presley convince the ostensibly moral Captain Reynolds to join them in the confines of their brothel for some enormously energetic threesome action, as they fulfill his fantasy of becoming a pirate hunter. Back onboard and racing towards the price, Stagnetti’s first mate, Serena (Janine), finds her captain in his quarters, approaches silently, and, holding a blade to his throat, threatening the most terrifying violence if he dares disobey her, unbuttoning her pants as she moves away, demands he ‘lick it!.' Deciding discretion is the better part of valor, Captain Stagnetti brings his tongue amidships, and gets busy swabbing the deck. On Reynolds’ ship, another G/G scene this time between Isabella and Jules ensues, which must, in truth, be one of the most physical two woman scenes I’ve watched in my tenure here.
This is the new age. Let there be no mistake, those of you who were awaiting the climactic intersection of high quality visuals and the hottest sex with some of the industry’s magnanimous performers, wait no more. Click the ‘Buy it Now!’ button at your right, and be eternally satisfied.
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