Reviewed by SexHerald Staff
Do you love bad porn? I mean, really bad porn? I mean porn that’s so bad you turn from horny to heckling? Then Jose and Juan are about to wow and amaze you.
I can’t think of another adult film that’s so lacking in sheer effort. Clearly, the producers of this film assumed that if you put a naked guy and a naked girl in a room together then you’re sure to have a mega hit and I could almost go along with that theory except of course when the naked girls in question look confused, annoyed and occasionally angry during the show. And I hate to get too picky about the technical parts of this film but when you can’t see the money shot because a shadow is covering all the naughty bits I have to let someone know about it. And the sound, oh the sound! The audio track was so distorted that I didn’t realize that no one was speaking English until the second scene and with the sound of the camera operator coughing and clearing his throat right into the microphone I begin to think that this is the kind of porn they’re forced to watch in hell.
I don’t want to seem like I’m harping on the detail when there is a sexy upside to all of this but every time I try to remember the times I got really excited during this film I draw a blank because every scene has an identical beginning, middle and end and here’s how it goes: A guy and girl enter a room and exchange a few indecipherable words before he starts groping a now disgruntled female. Then there’s a cut to the sex scene which is lacking in both passion and variety where you can clearly see the lighting rigs and the female’s boredom completely exposed. And finally, we finish up with a decent money shot and then push the girl into a shower or pool to get her cleaned off. An unbeatable formula if I’ve ever seen one.
On the brighter side, the girls in spite of their aggravated and bewildered demeanor have beautiful asses and the…alright I have to stop here. I was about to attempt naming the finer points of this feature but as soon as I start talking about the girl’s sexy round asses, I have to also mention how the sexy quality of a nice ass is canceled out when the hairy ass of a man who is having trouble keeping it up is hovering like a storm cloud. I wish I could tell you that there’s a bright light at the end of this carnal tunnel but I won’t be able to sleep at night unless I warn the general public to avoid this particular picture unless you are one of the few and proud who love to see awkward Brazilian women getting naughty with an equally awkward fella; then Jose & Juan’s Xxxcellent Adventure: Brazil is rolling right up your alley and you don’t have to take my word for it, just snatch up this title and enjoy one bad scene after the next. And don’t forget to look for the official red disk for authentic Amateur District products.
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