Reviewed by SexHerald Staff
The first thing you notice on the DVD box for "Girls Who Love to give Blowjobs", besides the money shot right on the cover, is the "4 HOURS" written on the front and back. Four hours! Of girls? Loving to give blowjobs? That's a long time, you know. But who has time to watch four hours of girls who love to give blowjobs?
Well, me, for one. I put aside all other tasks, cancelled all social plans ("Sorry I can't make it out for burgers and beer tonight, I gotta watch four hours of girls who love to give blowjobs") and dove right in. Sadly, the video was terrible. Nothing but ancient recycled porn footage, the lousiest quality audio I've ever heard on any video of any type, and actual commercial interruptions in between the scenes. The following, then, is a log I kept during my viewing. May it serve as fair warning for those thinking of doing the same.
0:00:02. It's not a very good sign when you choose "Play movie" from the menu and get phone sex and website ads, is it? Typically the ads happen before the main menu on the DVD. The first ad, incidentally, has horrendous audio. It's way too distorted and loud.
0:07:02. Finally! Some movie action. In a reversal of the pool cleaning routine, a cute girl is skimming the pool while two men look on. Too bad the pool is apparently near a highway, because all we can hear are traffic sounds.
0:13:37. An ad for a website has just been flashed on the screen, getting in the way of the anal pounding. That's not cool, guys.
0:21:46. Now it's on to the second scene which, judging from the clothing and hairstyles, looks to be from the late 1980s, early 1990s at the latest. The audio is just as bad as the distorted phone sex ads, if not worse.
0:55:58. More VHS transfers, more terrible audio. You can't even make out what the people in the scene are supposed to be saying. It got so bad that I had to pause the DVD and change channels just to make sure it's not my television set.
1:16:45. It's pretty clear by now that all the scenes have been shamelessly ripped from other releases. In that light, I propose this video be renamed "Stuff We Thought We'd Just Put On A DVD."
2:04:27. What do you mean, I'm only halfway through?!
2:16.18. The VHS transfer is so poor that the current scene is actually cutting out, with warped audio and deteriorated videotape garbage on the screen, every thirty seconds or so. I know it's the videotape's fault because the ad for the phone sex line, superimposed on the bottom, remains crystal clear.
2:38:14. Many of these clips must have come from films with an actual story behind them. How else can we explain the girl and two guys going at it in some kind of candlelit secret society lodge while wearing glittery "Riddler" type comic book masks? I'd actually like to know why they're like that, but of course we'll never get an explanation.
3:11:48. Half gallon of milk, carton of orange juice, paper towels, two 60-watt lightbulbs, bag of mini pretzels.
3:21:59. We just finished the last scene. Title card, fade to black, cut to DVD menu. Excuse me? We were promised "four hours" here, not "three hours and nearly twenty-two minutes." Well, that's the last straw. Girls Who Love To Give Blowjobs completely fails to deliver on all counts, except the blowjobs part and even that's not the focus of the video. GirlsWhoLoveToGiveBlowjobs Given that there are hundreds, even thousands of better adult videos out on the market today, there's absolutely no reason why you should go anywhere near this video unless, perhaps, you like really shiny disc-shaped objects
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