Title: Candy & Uschi's Big Breast Orgy Studio: Alpha Blue Archives Cast: Candy Samples, Uschi Digart, John Holmes, Johnny Keyes, Valerie Clark, Bobbi Hall, Marsha Jordan, Kelly Stewart Genres:: Big Tits, Classic, Compilation, Natural breasts Condoms: No Reviewer: SexHerald Staff

Rating:

If inconsistent video quality, slow pacing, unshaven pussies, and a distinct lack of sex are deal-breakers for you, chances are you won't want this DVD. On the other hand, if you're such a fan of its stars that you'll buy anything they appear in, or an amateur porn historian interested in old 8mm loops, you might want to consider buying it. And if your mind isn't quite made up yet, by all means, continue reading!

This is '70s porn, so adjust your expectations accordingly. All of the short films in the collection, except one in the extras section, were originally silent 8mm loops, which means grainy picture, inconsistent lighting and color balance (sometimes skin tones change drastically from one moment to the next), and no audio: you get none of the delicious moans, grunts and wet skin-on-skin smacking of more recent porn. Music has been added over the silent film, and it's not always period-perfect -- some songs are several years younger than the scenes they play over -- but it captures the funky '70s feel. The actors all have that "natural" look: real tits, little to no makeup, full bushes, scrawny guys, and curvy women (with, of course, huge boobs). Candy Samples was in her 30s when these loops were shot, and looked it, something virtually unheard of in today's mainstream porn. Most bizarrely, none of the vignettes show actual fucking or sucking. The women grab the guys' dicks, which by the way, aren't even hard, with the exception of Johnny Keyes, who only appears in the bonus loops -- and tug on them, flick their tongues near them, and wrap fists around them to hide the fact that they're not really giving blowjobs. I found the obvious fakery absurd (we see an extreme close-up of Keyes's cockhead next to Uschi's asshole, but the logical progression is left to our imaginations) and distracting.

But it's certainly not all bad. The women are obviously having fun, even though they're not having orgasms. There's a sort of endearing naïveté to the slumber-party romp of "Breast Orgy 1" and "Breast Orgy 2," and the threesome group-gropes of "Triple Climax Orgy," "Lesbian Encounter" and "The Big 3." "The Big 3" also ends with a bit of pornographic prescience: in a "gonzo" twist, the women strip the cameraman. The last vignette in the extras section, "The Mistress and the Maid," was shot on better equipment, and has a much clearer picture, and actual sound. Candy and Uschi get to say some absurd lines, and we can hear the squishing and splashing of their bubble-bath. The menus are well-designed and clear, making navigation easy, and the extras section is well stocked (so well that I wondered why nearly half the disc's runtime was there, and why the piece with the best production values was hidden away).

Despite these high points, I found the whole experience more comical than arousing. Especially given its high list price, I can't recommend this to anyone who doesn't have a strong, specific interest in its stars or in early-'70s porn; if you just like big natural tits (and hey, who doesn't?), you can easily find higher-quality fare. Candy&Uschi'sBigBreastOrgy
   Email this review to a friend