Title: Blue Movie Studio: Wicked Pictures Director: Michael Zen Cast: Jenna Jameson, Jeanna Fine, Tera Heart, Jordan St. James, Rebecca Lord, Lana Sands, Dallas, Steven St. Croix, Tony Tedeschi, T.T. Boy, Alex Sanders Genres:: Drama, Cult, Parodies, Plot, Porn-star Condoms: No Reviewer: SexHerald Staff

Rating:

Whoa.
The main question to ask yourself is how “interesting” you like your porn. Wall-to-wall, senseless, just bodies at it everywhere? If that’s your deal, this baby might try your patience.

This isn’t to say that the sex here isn’t inspired; it’s pretty great actually, but my attention was evenly spread to everything else that was going on in this 1995 movie.

The fact that this is a DVD re-release obviously indicates we’re dealing with some sort of novelty collectible here. Any doubts you might have on this will probably be dispelled within minutes of the opening.

Some early tip-offs: Is that a giant fabric pussy-oyster? Is Jenna Jameson making love to a… giant blue ball? Does every scene scream a Michael Zen mindfuck? Yes. Yes. Yes.

It probably takes someone with a deep interest in the industry and the potential for a streak of art in porn to appreciate what Zen tries to pull off in this movie. Somewhat fortunately for him, I fit that bill.

Before going into what’s really special, some comments on what really matters: the sex. What you’ll see here is clearly more passionate, vigorous and just plain beautiful (think those exquisite expressions of ecstasy).

The storyline is laced with different layers of subplots and symbolism, and the writing smacks of someone who’s had a reflective attitude towards porn for years. The mood created is reminiscent what you might get if the X-Files decided to do a parody episode purely on the sex industry. This theatre of the mytho-bizarre incorporates a play within a play as well – which might call to mind an allusion to Shakespeare even, if not for the fact that a porno within a porno has been done a thousand times before.

The basics: A young Jenna Jameson (a feature that could probably almost sell the movie by itself) plays a reporter sent by a character reminiscent of Drew Carey’s Mimi Bobeck to cover an elusive director of the eccentric genius variety, played by the timeless Steven St. Croix.

The cross-dressing, angry artist Steven is making a movie called “The Legend of the Golden Oyster.” Sound whacky? No, IS whacky.

Along for the ride is his collaborator Jeanna Fine – a dyke and long time intimate of Steven’s. Jeanna doesn’t take too kindly to Jenna’s (don’t get confused now) snooping, but Steven – after a brief and feisty conversation – decides to cast her in the movie.

The openers are supposed to be a scene from Steven’s earlier directing days (featuring the gorgeous, talented and French-accented Rebecca Lord as a shrink) and the Jenna solo with the blue ball. The first actual fuck of the movie is a flashback scene, where Tera Hart, in the make-up room of the Oyster set, recalls the first movie she did for Steven: Anal Snow Bunnies. It was this funny combination of beach culture and snowy mountain setting: think skiing plus bikinis and a surfer dude. No complaints though, it was a solid, torrid fuck.

“Oh ok! Show hard and I’ll make it spit.” Fluffing: the art of giving a male performer a blowjob as prep for his scene. Dallas, playing a make-up girl, gives us a demonstration while Tony Tedeschi, lucky recipient, talks to Jenna without paying much attention to the fact that a chick’s face is bobbing up and down his dick. Sigh, some people just take everything for granted.

Scene 1 of The Legend of the Golden Oyster: Mysteries of the Marakesh! The bar is called the G-Spot, and the Australian accent lines go like “the place smelled like the Devil’s jockstrap,” and “I was told this is where I could find the Fat Man.” Found it pretty entertaining, myself.

Tony, playing the Indiana Jones-like seeker of the Fat Man, is immediately solicited by hooker Lana Sands and they tear into a great fuck right there in at the bar.

I’ll let you discover for yourself the actual legend of the Oyster and its powers. Eternal hard-ons and potential death and destruction are involved.

Believe it or not, Amazon warriors stage an assassination of the Fat Man at the bar – he survives two blow darts before taking one in the balls, which of course, will do it.

There’s more plot development, and the next fuck involves our star Jenna herself getting it on with the current keeper of the Oyster. As lead star, there is no hint of anti-climax when she’s finally naked and grinding. It’s unavoidable to mention the three, THREE, come shots T.T. Boy pulls off in the course this scene – just to impress you more, you even get the extended, 20 minute version of this already impressive scene in the Special Features.

Tony and Jenna end up kidnapped by the Amazons, and they’re keen to enjoy their prisoners in every which way. Jenna is the first to fall “victim” at the hands of Jeanna and Lana.

In the midst of Tony’s scene with Dallas the Amazon, Steven announces that there’s only 2 minutes of film left. Tony can’t cut the come shot, and Steven bets him he can stunt dick for him, but Tony insists of choosing the girl.

Jeanna is chosen! What will this mean for their relationship??

Ok, so it’s actually a pretty good build-up of tension, Steven and Jeanna having played strong reversed gender roles throughout the film. That made the short scene work more than anything.

And that’s all the sex for us folks. After their rapturous, ground breaking encounter, cross dresser and dyke announce that there are wedding bells in the air. Jeanna: “I’m just man enough for you,” Steven “And I, am just woman enough for you.” To top things off, guess which pretty blonde reporter gets invited for the honeymoon? Two’s company and three’s an orgy, as they say. The last scenes bring back the Twilight Zone mood and round out the artsy storyline arc; I’m not dropping the details.

Special features include the audio commentary by Zen and make-up man Lee Garland, perfect for those diehard porn connoisseurs (the best target group for this DVD, undoubtedly) who want that extra insight.

Pretty deep intricacies, multi-layered meanings, and one-liners everywhere that cut with both humor and insight – all stuff only people who really want to turn sex into art could have come up with. Sound good? Don’t forget: fucking great sex too.