Title: Blasted Studio: Python Pictures Director: Erin Sky Cast: Roxy Sweet, Vanilla Skye, Sativa Rose, Ashley Haze, Sindy Lange, Talon, John West, Bad Bob, Andrew Andretti Genres:: Straight, Cumshots, Gonzo Condoms: Yes Reviewer: SexHerald Staff

Rating:

Wouldn't it be great if we porn viewers across the land could get together and somehow hold all the Porn Production Companies to their word when it comes to advertising their films? I for one would love to hold their collective feet to the fire when they falsely advertise their latest, "greatest," jaunt into the world of pornography. So it goes with Python Pictures new film "Blasted."

The good people at Python would have you believe that they have put together a humdinger of a film with "Blasted" their first foray into what they call "All Facial Cumshot Gonzo." This is what they have to say for themselves: "We have to warn you this is not a cheap feature that other companies produced! Python Pictures has done it again! We have all the newest starlets making their way in front of the camera to get loads of hot cum on their face. Watch [various actresses in the movie] take load (sic) so big, it could put out a forest fire." Well, let's just hope the hills of California stay cool and moist this summer, cuz these fellas ain't putting out no fire nohow with these dribbling jizz shots.

The film opens as the following warning shoots across the screen: "Warning! Explicit Facial Content Ahead" as if we didn't already know such things were in store for us. A scant glance at the cover photography would lead us to the same conclusion. Various descriptions and promises of what is to come crowd the cover to such an extent that you almost forget to look at the pictures of the girls. Python's cheap endorsement of it's own product is so shameless that I just have to share a few phrases from the cover. "Roxy, she is on fire put her out with your spunk," "Drench me! Ashley likes anal but loves facials," "Slap and Splash, Sativa slap me around then you can cum on my face!," "Sindy don't waste it let me taste it," and so on.

By the time we get to the film - an Erin Sky "Experience," - you almost feel as if you've seen it before, and for all intents and purposes, you have. The whole film is shot outside in a nicely groomed backyard. Each scene begins the same way, a fully clothed young girl gives her name and age and then tells us how much she wants/is ready to get Blasted! You can pretty much gauge how good the scene is by how convinced you are by the girl's statement. The girl undresses, plays with herself a little, and then puts her clothes back on as the duly designated fella comes onscreen. There is a little banter between each guy and girl before the sex begins, as if to somehow make the ensuing blast-fest more believable. The sex in "Blasted" is conducted in the same formulaic way, oral, oral, a string of positions, a little bit of anal, and just when you've had enough, the Blast! which each girl pleads for with varying degrees of earnestness.

At this point my expectations were so low, despite all the attempts by Python, that I was a bit startled by how attractive some of these girls were. Vanilla Sky and Sindy Lange are both lookers, with Sativa Rose and Roxy Sweet not far behind, while the real winner by far is Ashley Haze, a good looking redhead with a nice body and natural breasts. Her scene is the best one out of the lot, and if it weren't for the shoddy looking guy who actually gets to Blast her, I'd be inclined to give this film a higher rating. This guy actually looks like he was picked up off of the street somewhere and had nothing better to do than to step in and Blast some young thing. Points for Ashley though, she makes the best of a bad situation by seemingly enjoying the whole thing. She probably dates a guy just like this one.

The rest of the film is more of the same, just swap a different girl and guy into the same background and watch the blasting commence. The real interesting part of this movie is by far the "behind-the-scenes featurette." If ever you wondered what it's really like to work in this industry this little ditty is pure gold. I won't spoil it for you, but most of it features the movie's cameraman spinning tales of his many years in the biz. He's shot over 1500 scenes after all, and has just been featured in a magazine article that he's been carrying around with him. It's pure porn gold, and by virtue of this segment alone I'm prompted to raise the measly 2 star rating to 3! Bravo Mr. Cameraman for saving an overhyped piece of ordinary porn. Blasted
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