Reviewed by SexHerald Staff
It’s not that I don’t like porn with plot. I do. A little buildup, a little context, getting to know the girl, development of the fantasy—these things, theoretically, can only enrich the experience. Bad acting is something we put up with because, well, Meryl Streep isn’t that hot. But when the acting is this half-assed, the production values this ridiculous, it isn’t fun or ironic or cute anymore.
Bad News Bitches is one of the corniest low-budget skin flicks I’ve seen in a very long time, and, trust me, that’s saying a lot. Worse, there's a dearth of hot action to make up for it.
The plot centers around Nautica (played by Nautica Thorn), an angsty young woman stuck in a dead-end job with a creepy boss who wants to get in her pants. One day she loses some important papers, so he fires her. Instead of suing for sexual harassment, Nautica decides to challenge his company team to a game of baseball (he says baseball but they end up playing softball). He wins, she has to fuck him. Her team wins, she gets her job back. Right. It took longer for you to read that than it did to for me to fast forward through on the DVD.
As she gets her team together, there’s a ridiculous scene of the girls dropping balls, missing balls.. you get the idea. The saving grace is that here’s where the movie gets a smidgeon more interesting, because at least there are girls on screen. In skimpy shorts, prancing around. Again, fun to watch, but nothing you won’t find on basic cable.
Just as things get hopeless, Nautica enlists coach Randy Spears by fucking him in a high-energy scene that showcases her ravenous sexual appetite. If you like small sexy young Asian things you will enjoy watching her go to work. It’s a good scene, but nothing transcendent.
Randy whips them into shape and a hot-shot pitcher played by Kayla Paige shows up. I’ve never Kayla seen her before, but, man, is she a welcome addition to the team. A fabulous, lithe brunette who I will definitely look for in the future.
Somewhere in there is the flick’s other good scene, starring Veronika Raquel. With her not-quite-perfect physique, fuck-me eyes and playful BJ technique, she’s the type of girl who, if you can manage to keep sober enough, you would be psyched to bring home from a bar on a Thursday night.
There’s also a passable scene starring Cherry Poppins and Naudia Nyce, a three-way with a guy who gets slammed in the nuts just beforehand. From what I know from having seen these girls in other movies, I am sad to say this scene does nothing to bring out the crazed action I know each is capable of. Just a lot of going-through the motions sucking and fucking. What a shame.
The big game comes, and—spoiler alert—the girls win. Then there’s an all-girl poolside orgy, and while it appears as though the girls enjoy themselves, I was reaching for a sandwich. Even the presence of the lovely Jenna Haze, who only does girl-girl scenes at this point in her career, and the aforementioned Kayla Paige couldn’t heat things up.
Bad News Bitches has a few decent segments, but overall, it’s worth a rental. BadNewsBitches
 Email this review to a friend
|
