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Product:
Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur
Producer: Godiva Brands, Inc
Approximate Retail Value: $24/750 ml
Category: Liqueur
Country of Origin: Belgium
Reviewer: SexHerald Staff
The F Words:
Flavor – Sweet and creamy, but not the slightest bit chocolatey.
Feel – Thinner than other cream liqueurs.
Finish – Smooth, with little aftertaste. | Rating:
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By: SexHerald Staff
You all know Lady Godiva: she’s a naked noblesse on horseback, a fancy Belgian chocolatier, and, I’ll add as a revolting sidebar, a turd-gobbling mop-dog at my day job! But now, Lady G is a bottle of booze as well. because the Godiva company has finally employed its confectionery genius to transform chocolate into booze. I’m presuming for simplicity’s sake that this process occurs by way of leaving a barrel of truffles in the basement for two summers…which is the only way I know to turn something into booze. But then, who knows; the official literature is silent on the matter.
Although I personally find most sweets repellent (I cannot imagine anything more disgusting than an apricot Danish), you don’t have to be an expert to notice that Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur is severely lacking in the chocolate department. That is, it doesn’t taste very much like chocolate, and it certainly doesn’t have the pointed sugariness characteristic of white chocolate in particular. Its flavor is too mild to warrant flowery prose - it’s milky white and tastes like cream and sugar, and it burns slightly on the way down, probably just to remind you that it’s not a SlimFast shake. Not surprisingly, Godiva White Chocolate is quite rich and complements both coffee and ice cream nicely, but other than that there isn’t much to say about it. Godiva also works in chocolate martinis and cream-based drinks, although I’d caution you against relying exclusively upon this bastard child to flavor your chocolate drink because, quite frankly, she can’t hack it. Worse still, she’s expensive relative to her shelfmates, but weighs in feebly at 30 proof - compared to Kahlua and Frangelico at 53 and 48 proof, respectively. In spite of being tasty and sweet like all her compadres in the desert liqueur aisle, Godiva White Chocolate is short on flavor and a lousy value to boot.
I did find Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur appealing on one count: it’s actually thinner than other cream liqueurs. Although Godiva is probably chemically identical to meringue, it sits well over ice and doesn’t resist cooling like some thicker liqueurs. Furthermore, it manages not to leave a sticky Ovaltine coating in your mouth and send you scrounging for the mouthwash. The aftertaste is pleasant and, unlike that of similar drinks, mercifully brief. (Even so, dentists recommend that you brush twice daily after meals, just not in the bathroom at school because all that will get you is a thorough and immediate ass-kicking.)
Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur is the greenest twig on the Godiva company’s family tree, and a minor disappointment. Tightwads and those annoyed by bourgeois values in general are advised to keep a 6-pack of Amstel Light between themselves and this stuff because even though it’s velvety smooth, Godiva White Chocolate is a lousy value and you can’t get a buzz off it. As for the folks who put “chocoholic” in the dictionary (not to mention my spell-checker, the bastards), Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur will fall short of their expectations and send them in angry droves to the candy aisle at the all-night Walgreen’s. GodivaWhiteChocolateLiqueur
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