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Product:
Candy Beer?: SPARKS Makes It Work
Producer: Steele Brewing Company
Approximate Retail Value: $2 for 16 oz
Category: Beer
Country of Origin: USA
Reviewer: R. Pietsch
The F Words:
Flavor – Candy flavored malted beer.
Feel – Comes across like a tart soda, not really like a beer.
Finish – Forces you to feel the grit on your teeth, and leaves you violently… orange. | Rating:
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By: R. Pietsch
Sparks has created more buzz than Red Bull did in its first year –- and with good reason. For the same amount of money, or in many places for less, you get a drink that is twice as big, packed full of energy supplements, and carries a whopping 6 % alcohol. What is this miracle of modern brewing of which I speak?
Sparks.
Before I get ahead of myself in singing its praises, be warned. Sparks tastes like someone crushed up Sweet Tarts into a can of Steele Reserve. This makes sense, as it is produced by the fellows at the Steele Brewing company in Milwaukee. I am judging this beverage not solely on taste, but rather on effect. Consider this less a fine malt beverage, and more a healthy dose of medicine.
Before I play up how badly this tastes, allow me to explain how perfectly constructed this product is. It’s marketed with the line “Jump start your night.” This isn’t a bad line, because there's plenty of caffeine in here. However, the perfect place in a corner store for this drink should be behind the New York Times, to the right of the coffee and as close to the register as possible. This drink finds the lifeline that is cut between a Saturday night and a Sunday morning.
I am not recommending drinking one of these on the way to work… but sometimes it’s really necessary. Sparks is the next best thing to a blow job for a hangover. While one allows you to roll back over and go to sleep, the other helps gear you up for the day (although I really prefer to go for both).
As I said, it’s not a palate pleaser. Yet in all honesty, it is on par with most of the malt drinks that are on the market. You can expect a citrus bite, and the heavy feel of a malt beverage. It is honestly not that bad, and I have many friends who swear by this drink on mornings when one is called to be productive and feels least like doing so. I would urge you to not drink more than two of these for fear of a stomachache to follow.
Of course this drink is not for everyone. But it is for someone looking to salvage the day from the wreck which ensued as a result of the night before. Be it on faith or disparity, I urge you to keep a couple of Sparks in your fridge, right next to the Pepto-Bismol. CandyBeer?
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