Reviewed by R.W. Hulme
Different stars had different motives for entering the porno industry. Some were attracted to it because of the money, others the sex. But for Evan Stone, the square-jawed star of countless adult offerings, his motivation was undeniably the costumes.
From softcore on Cinemax to hardcore for Hustler, whenever Evan Stone crops up, you know it’s going to be in some larger-than-life role; something which calls for a Renaissance outfit, a superhero costume or, at the very least, an excuse to swish his shoulder-length blond hair.
That’s why, when Hustler decided to add ‘Star Trek’ to their list of popular parodies, there was simply no other actor qualified to take the part of overly dramatic, shamelessly theatrical Captain Kirk.
Stone joins a stellar cast of prodigious pornstars, including the delectable Jada Fire – who was similarly born to play Uhura. Together, they tackle the challenge of turning one of America’s best-loved sci-fi shows into porn – and they do an out-of-this-world job.
Unlike the other Star Trek parody that was recently released, ‘This Ain’t Star Trek’ is clearly made by a bunch of people who love Star Trek. It’s almost embarrassing how much thought, time, effort and money went into this pastiche. From slick sets (the rival of the 60s-era originals) to a plot that gives more than a few nods to the original show, this is a send-up that’s clearly done with the upmost reverence and respect.
The feature borrows heavily from the old Star Trek episode ‘The Space Seed,’ in which Kirk and co. find the villainous Khan floating through space. Just like in the old Shatner-era show, Khan is initially welcomed on board – until he plots to overthrow Kirk and crew and steal the Enterprise off on a mission of galactic domination.
The plot’s similar, but (needless to say) throws in the opportunity for the crew to get down and dirty as they struggle to save the ship. Captain Kirk gets to perform Ponn Farr with horny Vulcan Sasha Grey (now try to deny that the writer wasn’t a serious Trekkie) while ‘Bones’ McCoy finally consummates the sexual tension between him and the blond bombshell Nurse Chappell.
But the highlight of the movie has to be a threeway between Kirk, Spock and Uhura. Jada Fire, who has a body literally built for sin, is mouthwatering as she slobbers on cock, takes it doggy-style and finally gets split in two in some brutal double penetration.
But that’s not all… ‘This Ain’t Star Trek’ is so jam-packed with bonus features that it comes on two DVDs, one dedicated to behind the scenes footage, bonus material and even a scene in which long-haired lothario Evan Stone sacrifices his shoulder-length locks in order to adopt Captain Kirk’s Starfleet Regulation short-back-and-sides.
In a word? Perfect. ‘This Ain’t Star Trek’ is a sizzingly sexy feature in its own right, but also sets the standard for Star Trek-inspired smut. Fans of the original show will get just as turned on by the authentic props, cool costumes and slick sets as any of the hardcore action – and that’ll make for some very horny Trekkers.
I’d recommend it for anybody, fan of the show or not. But if you call yourself a true-blue Trekkie, this is an essential purchase. In fact, what are you still doing reading this, nerd? Get yourself to sex-shop and pick up a copy right now, Warp Factor Nine! ThisAin'tStarTrekXXX
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