Reviewed by R.W. Hulme
My wife has a theory: Men only get turned on by pantyhose because we’re not expected to wear them. If it was guys, not girls, who were squeezing their butts (and tackle) into nylon netting each and every day, she calculates we’d find them mundane, unsexy and pretty uncomfortable pretty damn quickly. But (until they change the dress code at the office, at least) we men don’t have to wear stockings or hosiery, which is why a fetish for pantyhose still runs rampant through the male genome. (Okay, some men choose to wear them, but that’s another topic entirely…)
It’s in pandering to this pantyhose predilection that Nautica Thorn brings us Hose on Hoes – a DVD spectacular promising us beautiful women, shameless Sapphic sex and more nylon, netting and nakedness than you can jiggle a boner at. But does Hose on Hoes deliver?
Nautica Thorn has teamed up with LFP, Inc, the company which owns Hustler, to develop this picture. Adult aficionados will be familiar with Hustler’s serviceable style: producing unpretentious porn that does exactly what it says on the cover. In this instance, that means delivering half a dozen scenes involving beautiful girls, slinky stockings and lavish lesbian lip-locking.
Each of the five scenes opens with two gorgeous girls prancing and posing in slinky, sheer stockings and suspenders. After the camera worships them for a few minutes, the costars proceed to kiss, tease, stroke and lick each other with teasing tenderness. As expected, the matching nylon outfits the girls are clad in soon get torn to shreds, as the increasingly aroused starlets struggle to bare breasts and backsides and slather them with kisses.
As far as lesbian sex goes, Hose on Hoes is top-notch stuff. All the starlets are gorgeous, with unenhanced curves and earnest enthusiasm for each other’s bodies. The sex is scintillating, too. Fingers, lips and tongues are supplemented by vibrators, dildos and even ice cubes, providing plenty of variety in the onscreen action, despite the similar setup for each scene. Fans with a foot fetish won’t be disappointed, either, as there’s plenty of podiatric passion going on in some scenes.
If pantyhose are your thing, you’ll be in nylon nirvana. From suspenders to stockings, thigh-highs to fishnets, each girl is uniformed in exotic, erotic accoutrements and every outfit is torn to shreds in the course of their coupling. By the end of each scene, there’s so much frayed nylon flying about, you’d think a pitbull had gone into a frenzy in Victoria’s Secret!
Like most Hustler productions, the main feature is exactly that, with little else on the DVD. Hose on Hoes does include a cute ‘behind the scenes’ feature (including an impromptu booty-jiggling contest which is worth a mention) and a few trailers, but nothing else worth mentioning. That doesn’t really detract from the overall package, though, which is slick, sexy and likely to thrill pantyhose purists. HoseonHoes
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