Title: The Llama Sutra: Getting Wild in the Wild Kingdom Author: Ward Calhoun Publisher: Hylas Publishing Publish Date: 2006 Pages: 63 Genres:: Humor,Reviewer: SexHerald Staff

Rating:

Has it been a while since you looked at pictures of animals fucking? No? Nonetheless, I say give this book a shot.

It doesn’t often happen that sexually dissatisfied mammals of the non-human kind are given a voice and you can thank author Ward Calhoun to thank for that. Pay attention to his message: Animals in the wild have a lot more to worry about than small problems like a dwindling food supply, vanishing habitat due to human growth overrun, and becoming extinct. They may not always be having the best sex, either.

From this writer’s laugh-out loud funny perspective, pillow talk has a farther scope than you ever imagined. Sexual dissatisfaction is far from limited to that suffered by homo sapiens as evidenced by a long-suffering kangaroo responding to being mounted by a male with “Sigh…another shrimp on the Barbie.” Conversely, the most visibly exuberant of all the photographed animals seeming to be reveling most in mutual pleasure are the seals as the female expresses her rapture by exclaiming in ecstasy: “This is better than a whole bucketful of fish! Give it to me, baby!” Not to mention a lion, the most alpha of alpha males, growling “It’s good to be the king!” as his muscular, massive golden body mounts his prostrate mate.

Ward Calhoun’s gift for anthropomorphic humor exposes the near-fathomless depths of emotion in beasts ranging from cattle to squirrels. Unfortunately, sexual guilt has even found its way into the minds of bears. A female, while being mounted by her male counterpart, laments: “All this for a salmon dinner….I’m such a slut!” He also calls attention to the demand for more premature-ejaculation medication/therapy for polar bears in the frustrated lament of a female polar bear: “Oh no! Not the Polar Express again!”

I was pleased to see the female elephant was not concerned about looking fat while having sex, but saddened to realize inability of the rhinoceros to enjoy fellatio or cunnilingus as expressed by: “So we’re both in agreement…no oral sex.” Clearly, there are drawbacks to having tusks. Frogs, for their part, have no trouble looking adorable during the act.

I applaud this book for bringing attention to these animals’ plights but unfortunately cannot recommend it as a self-help book as to the best of my knowledge none of those who could be helped most can read.

The Llama Sutra: Getting Wild In The Animal Kingdom is literally an exploration of animal lust. And this humanitarian effort has some of the most vividly beautiful images captured by photographers that I’ve ever seen.