Title: Dating Up: Dump the Schlump and Find a Dating Man Author: J. Courtney Sullivan Publisher: Warner Books Publish Date: 2007 Pages: 259 Genres:: Self-Help, How-To Guide Reviewer: Layla Tichtchenko

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J. Courtney Sullivan introduces this book by first giving examples of the kinds of girls who may need it. Dating Up is presented as a guide for girls with good heads on their shoulders who lack the confidence or know-how to get a man of equal or better quality. She presents the typical pitfalls that many women fall into in the dating world. For example, she cites a go-getter woman who seems to only date starving artists. She is also clear on her point that this book is not about being or becoming a gold digger. It is about learning to recognize, accept, and pursue meaningful, mutually beneficial relationships with those you intend to date.

Chapter one breaks down the attributes to acquire to be appealing to those worth being appealing to. She gives useful tips for applying makeup, even including lists of affordable makeup and cosmetic brands. She lists the fashion necessities for those successful men to take notice of. Sullivan describes wine and how and where to gain more knowledge about it. This chapter is a primer aptly titled “Getting Ready” with much useful info including websites on travel deals. After all, you should have some traveling under your belt to attract the well-traveled man of your dreams. She suggests doing what some friends of hers did to win their fiancées: They let the men pay on dates. And it didn’t make them feel disempowered at all. Then at times they would make dinner with everything taken care of. This was a time for the women generally of the corporate hectic life to experience and show off their domestic skills. She cites these examples to show us that it isn’t just smarts, and sophistication that appeal to men but a softer femininity as well.

She goes so far as to include recipes for your “homemaker” nights and then moves on to her art primer. Sullivan invites you to become acquainted with the arts by visiting such museums as the Metropolitan Museum of Art and MoMA. She gives advice on the art of appreciating the arts. Sullivan suggests that for evening shows to the opera, ballet, and theater it is more impressive to dress up. She breaks down the topics from your appearance to brushing up on sports, to even key literature to read. J. Courtney Sullivan has obviously done her homework in learning about what the upper echelon men prefer, and how to offer them what they want without being phony.

As we move forward to the next chapter entitled “Go Out and Find Him,” she urges you to go out and mingle where the men can be found. From places as vast as the gym to exclusive where you may rub elbows with only the rich, she gives a succinct list of places to find the wealthy and successful. But as a prerequisite, Sullivan first describes nine types of successful men so that you know what and who you are looking for. She goes so far as to give not only a list of places to meet wealthy men, but the address of The Social Register Association. You can write to them to obtain a directory of people who make up the elite section of society. As shocking as it seems, there are also ways to find what you’re looking for on the Internet. With such additional tips as flirting, eye contact and knowing when to laugh, she fives a social etiquette lesson for behavior once you do get noticed. But as she points out at the end, the art of being alluring does not mean molding yourself into something you think he wants you to be. There’s a difference between taking an interest in his interests and not being true to who you are.

As chapter three comes upon us, Sullivan reveals “The First Date.” First and foremost, she advocates a bit of research beforehand. She encourages you to do a little digging to be sure that he is who he says he is. Although a bit creepy, it may be necessary, particularly in this day and age. But the itemized list of online searching alternatives and tips seems like its going a bit too far. Her interjections of quirky personal experiences as well as those of friends were fresh and funny throughout, making this a thoroughly fun read. J. Courtney Sullivan does New York proud with her many and varied witticisms and wisdom. She warns of first date pitfalls such, as getting drunk, and many other no-no’s, like talking about your exes or talking about the future in terms of “we.” She also sets a Cinderella-like expiration date on your date. According to her the date shouldn’t ever exceed more than 4-5 hours. She often compares the first date to a job interview and suggests that that is how you should approach your first encounter. Don’t get too personal, don’t hang around too long, and don’t talk bad about anyone in your life. She encourages a variety of playing hard-to-get rules which make dating seem a bit too scheduled.

Moving into chapter four “Going the Distance,” J. Sullivan makes adamant points to remind us not to call him more than he calls you as well as not to see him more than once a week. Although many of these rules seem a bit difficult to abide by, some other pointers were positively on point. She reminds women that once you do move your relationship into the bedroom that you need not mention your physical flaws, because if he’s into you he’s into you and doesn’t care that your abs aren’t perfect. Also, one shouldn’t mention the dust bunnies in the apartment or ask how you compare sexually to his ex-girlfriend during sex, while also encouraging positive actions, like getting to know his friends and being yourself. One of the scariest and most crucial relationship hurdles is facing the parents. Dating Up gives definitive advice on parental etiquette based on the type of parents he has, from old money to the angry and divorced parents. It’s all here along with more recipes to further get in the good graces of the potential parents-in-law.

The conclusion chapter of Dating Up simply titled “Marrying Up” is a more brief summation of living together, reminding you that long-lasting romantic journeys take time. J. Courtney Sullivan points out key aspects of your individual and joint similarities and differences. She asks if you can tolerate his quirks and agree on basic household principles and lifestyles values. These are key components to successful cohabitation. Dating Up is a strictly uptown girl’s guide to dating in the upper echelon of society and although many of the rules seem unnecessarily strict, her explanations and anecdotes were fun and feisty. Even if your ultimate goal isn’t the house in the Hampton’s and the 2.3 kids, this is a fun read. And even if you’re a middle-class woman who would be satisfied with a middle-class man, you may pick up a few tips that will further your success in the dimension of dating.