Title: 500 Things To Do With Pantyhose…Besides Wear Them Author: Sarah Lavieri-Hunter Publisher: Fair Winds Press Publish Date: 2006 Pages: 192 Genres:: How-To Guide, Self-Help Reviewer: SexHerald Staff

Rating:

I know. I thought this book was about sex, too. But no.

Why limit pantyhose to the sole purpose of prettying your legs, says author Lavieri-Hunter, when it has so many other uses? Want to save money on toys for your kids? Make soft balls they can juggle safely indoors. Just chop up the hose, throw the surplus in the foot, tie that baby up (the wad of hose, not the kid), repeat, then juggle away! Have you run out of paper towels to clean your windows? No problem—cut ‘em up ‘n scrub!

Laura Hunter's handy little book reminds me of the Lysol commercial slogan: "There's nothing this can can't do." Your kid needs ears for a Halloween costume? Raid the lingerie drawer, pull the pantyhose over child’s head, add a hat and let the legs cum ears hang down. Lavieri-Hunter doesn't caution against whether or not you should avoid using control-top pantyhose when substituting it for a hat or ears so as not to compress the wearer’s skull, but I guess for this one minor oversight she can't be held accountable.

As a mom and pet owner, Lavieri’s resourcefulness is playfully endless and driven clearly by daily maternal necessity. She suggests using old hose to stash sidewalk chalk, lipsticks to protect your purse should a cap come loose, even onions and other root vegetables. As I write this, I’m realizing that if need be, you can store new hose in old hose to avoid it snagging in your purse, should you be that way inclined.

Lavieri-Hunter has a plan for every season and almost every reason. Summer’s coming, you may need a beach bag or a way to lengthen an uncomfortably short beach bag handle. If you have the legwear, you have the pocketbook, too. It’s only a short leap to conclude that hose with a reinforced toe would be best to store items that will hang down at the bottom of the makeshift bag and stress the fibers.

Lavieri-Hunter writes with tongue firmly in cheek, a delightful combination of hilarious yet practical tips although I’d think twice about storing food I plan to eat in hose or using the crotch to cover dishes left out as she cheerfully recommends in Chapter 2: “Cooking With Hose.”

Creative ideas to save money including using hose as an emergency substitute for toilet tissue (let’s pray none of us are caught in that situation, EVER) and even shoe decoration. Jazz up the footwear for summer by gluing brightly colored strips of hose to their vamps to create decorative flowers (I’m guessing this tip is primarily aimed at the female children of the family).I’ve been tying my hair back with hose in a pinch for years so Lavieri’s principle of waste not, want not certainly resonates with me.

It’s hard to make preventing consumer waste funny, but Lavieri-Hunter does double duty and does both.