Title: 8 Erotic Nights: Passionate Encounters that Inspire Great Sex for a Lifetime Author: Charla Hathaway Publisher: Quiver Publish Date: 2008 Pages: 175 Genres:: How-To Guide, Non-Fiction, Self-Help Reviewer: J. Arathoon

Rating:

Though the title and cover make it seem like this will be just a fun outline of eight different erotic adventures, Hathaway has a bigger goal in mind: helping you and your partner achieve a total harmony of the souls. At its heart, 8 Erotic Nights is a couple's workshop in book format, aiming to open channels of communication and connection between two people with a goal of achieving honesty and an acceptance of pleasure.

The book is an interesting mix between New Agey speak and A-Type attitude. Though she leaves you to set the pace, Hathaway expects the reader to follow a regular schedule for these nights (once a week, twice a month, etc) and plan in advance, reading through the next night's exercise a few days early and completing homework exercises like writing down your fantasies and your "will-never-dos." She is a big fan of timers and of sticking to the times allotted for each exercise with precise punctuality. But the New Age focus comes out in the language used. For example, in Erotic Night Two we learn that one correct response to "May I kiss your vulva?" might be, "No, thank you. I'm aware of your desire for connection, which I share. May I breathe and gaze into your eyes with you?" I don't know many couples who could make it through that exchange without a giggle or an eye roll, but she does usually provide at least one non-flowery option.

The exercises are all non-penetrative, and the author asks couples not to "[dissipate] the sexual charge through orgasmic release" on the night even after the exercise has ended. The focus of most of the book is on allowing each partner to really engage with his or own pleasure, to take responsibility for it and let the partner off the hook; then, to feel comfortable saying "no" to a partner's requests for pleasure, and to not feel hurt by the partner's "nos." There are also multiple exercises that encourage honesty and openness, and a focus on being present in the body and experiencing it to the fullest. There is a definite sexy side to everything as well; in later chapters there are games of role reversal and a guide to erotic massage. There are also sillier exercises intended to loosen you up while still teaching. For example, in Erotic Night Four you sit splayed legs and allow your genitals to speak to each other following with, "As the timer sounds, give your penis a Heart Salutation and thank him for sharing his wisdom with you and being so articulate."

The book is well presented, with high-quality full-color photographs featuring multiple attractive couples canoodling. Though sexy, all the photos are softcore, which is to be expected in a book featuring exclusively non-penetrative exercises. The book is written and aimed at heterosexual couples but the exercises could easily be adapted for same-sex couples, and with a little modification could be adapted for polyamorous unions. However, the aim is definitely on long-term relationships. Though Hathaway says that "You do not need a soul mate, a spouse, or even a lifetime partner for a successful journey through 8 Erotic Nights," the emphasis on a daily check-in ritual makes this clearly a book for those in relationships and preferably living together.

There aren't many flaws to pick in this book. It might have been nice to see some suggestions for penetrative exercises so you could continue the work in that context. Also, the book has a somewhat abrupt ending, moving, in the last Erotic Night, into a full-on negotiation of boundaries, including whether the relationship can be opened up to include other people or sex workers. While this seems like an important discussion to have, the transition is somewhat jarring. Still, overall, the book does an admirable job of guiding the reader towards achieving the goal set out in the first pages: "You'll give up pretending and working at sex [...] and start doing only what brings you pleasure in the moment."