Title: Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships Author: Tristan Taormino Publisher: Cleis Press Publish Date: 2008 Pages: 346 Genres:: Self-Help, How-To Guide, Non-Fiction Reviewer: B.I. Laureano

Rating:

I love it when authors use the word “fuck” in its various grammatical forms in their writing. It reminds me they are human, not afraid to share their opinion in a way that makes me comfortable and that they don’t let anyone censor what they have to say. That’s what you can expect from Tristan Taormino’s latest release, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.

When you pick this book up, you will have in your hands a one-of-a-kind, first-ever text that not only provides supportive information and thought-provoking questions for the reader and their partners, but also a comprehensive worldwide resource guide for people in open relationships which includes a glossary, Web addresses, community organizations by region and suggested readings.

Taormino also provides a qualitative analysis into her focus groups and interviews of self-selected volunteers currently in open relationships. Her sample is diverse in gender identity, geographic location, age and social class, but not so much in race, ethnicity or national origin. Taormino recognizes this and other areas where future research can focus which include people who practice solo polyamory, which challenges the idea that everyone wants one primary partner to be with. She profiles some couples at the end of several chapters who have chosen to have the type of relationship discussed. These profiles help humanize and normalize the couplings and Taormino depends heavily on them when she discusses polyfidelity, three or more people who are committed to each other in various ways.

This is also a self-help book. It will help you figure out if you want an open relationship, what that means, what forms they can take, questions to ask yourself and future partners and things to keep in mind. What it doesn’t do is two things: 1. Force you to choose between monogamy and non-monogamy, and 2. help someone who has been propositioned/invited by someone in an open relationship understand their role or how to believe someone is really in an open relationship when they say they are. But at the end of the day, one can argue that it is up to the couple to help the new partner understand their relationship as communication is key in this text.

Also highlighted are challenges, societal and individual, that people in open relationships may encounter. An in-depth discussion of challenges for people in various relationships are provided along with a chapter dedicated to legal, familial and communal obstacles people in open relationships must sift through. The longest chapter is dedicated to building your own open relationship and has suggestions, questions and techniques to support your decision.

If you are expecting a traditional how-to book by Taormino, you’re in for something new. Aside from discussing sex within relationships and with other people, this book is more about relationships, communication and emotions.  There’s something for everyone and you’re sure to learn a thing or two about your relationship and what you want.