By Pamela Santore
In life, there are many sports to enjoy and excel in. Most of them begin with a ball. In baseball, you bat a ball. In tennis, you hit a ball. In soccer, you kick a ball. In football, you catch a ball. In basketball, you dribble a ball. Sex for sport is no different. To enjoy and excel in the bedroom, try eating a ball.
Cooked testicles, also known as Rocky Mountain Oysters, prairie oysters, calf fries, cowboy caviar, swinging sirloin and Montana tendergroin—to name a few—have been considered an aphrodisiac throughout history. However you refer to them, testicles are thought to be a decidedly edible part of many male animals.
Before the advent of the refrigerator, and in a time when no part of an animal was wasted if it could be eaten, animal testicles were called “stones.” The choices of stones varied, but included those from roosters and were incorporated into many dishes such as pies and fricassees.
Wary of eating balls? Don’t fret. There are plenty of other ways to make testes taste yummy according to Ljubomir Erovic, chef and author of The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking with Balls, who has contributed to the world this first-ever cookbook dealing solely with tasty testicle recipes. This online e-book comes complete with numerous recipes and how-to videos describing step by step how to make delicious meals that even the most squeamish of diners may relish.
The idea for The Testicle Cookbook was conceived after Erovic tasted a “delicious goulash at a party.” Although Erovic believed he had eaten rabbit goulash, he spent a restless night unable to sleep because he became “incredibly aroused and felt a real charge of positive energy in [his] pants.” The next day, Erovic discovered that what he had actually consumed was testicle goulash. Having never experienced quite that erotic sensation, Erovic equated the eating of testicles with being able to stimulate sexual activities. He claims that “the way to better sexual life through food and not drugs” is the idea behind his cookbook and that testicles are “the strongest aphrodisiac in the world.”
Although testicles taste different depending on which animal they are from, in general it is similar to other white meats, according to Erovic, and once it is cooked tastes a lot like chicken. Erovic recommends trying his Erovic Style Goulash with stallion or bull testicles because he prefers the flavor of these balls over others.
World Testicle Cooking Championship
Not only has Chef Erovic written this testicle recipe cookbook, but he also organized an annual World Testicle Cooking Championship in Serbia for the first time in 2004. Attendance at the cooking festival is prohibited to minors under the age of 18 and to individuals over the age of 65, unless written medical clearance is provided. This year’s “World Testicle and Aphrodisiac Cooking Championship” took place most recently on August 28, 2009.
Even if you are just tagging along with your testicle connoisseur friends and aren’t interested in tasting balls, there is still plenty to do during your time in Serbia. The area where the contest is held is referred to as “Balls’ Village” and offers music, drinks, homemade aphrodisiacs and accessories for a healthy sex life.
The World Championship Rocky Mountain Oyster Festival
Don’t think for a minute that you have to leap onto a plane and travel to faraway and exotic places in order to jump on the tasty testicle bandwagon. Testicles are everywhere! Right here in the good ‘ole US of A, you might want to consider attending The World Championship Rocky Mountain Oyster Festival in Throckmorton, Texas.
The brainchild of Jack Fauntleroy and Mack Pirtle, this festival is a celebration of Rocky Mountain Oysters. Fauntleroy insists these testicles are “great fried” and that the cooks attending the festival have come up with unique and exotic ways to prepare this cowboy delicacy.
The Montana Testicle Festival
Clear your calendar for next year’s Montana Testicle Festival, also known as the “Testy Festy,” in Clinton, Montana. Check out testyfesty.com for information and future dates for what is touted “the world’s largest testicle festival.” Held at the Rock Creek Lodge, this five-day event is the original testicle festival! Between eating balls, getting drunk, dancing, hanging out with cowboys, measuring breasts against the “boob-o-meter” and attending both the wet t-shirt and hairy chest competitions, this festival is jam-packed with half-naked girls, bikers and everyone in-between. Don’t forget to taste the Bull Snort Brew and try your hand at bull-chip throwing and a fun game of bullshit bingo.
You Are What You Eat
If you are what you eat, the theory behind testicles being an aphrodisiac makes sense. Aphrodisiac correlations have been made throughout history with animals that are known to be virile and fruitful reproducers. Historically, people ate the sex organs of bulls, goats, tigers and rabbits to achieve aphrodisiac effects and to augment sexual performance. The belief was that by ingesting the genitalia of these animals, one would take on the animal’s characteristics.
Testicles through the Years
Eating animal sex organs dates back to ancient Roman times. It was believed that eating a healthy animal’s organ might correct and affect some ailment in the corresponding human organ of the male person eating it.
The ancient Greeks believed that consuming sexual fluids in meals would create a magical bond between lovers. Women would bake their vaginal secretions into honey cakes which they would give to the men they admired.
French King Louis XV ate rams’ testicles with his lover, the Madame de Pompidour, in the Palace of Versailles before long nights of passion.
Not only do cave drawings depict prehistoric men eating testicles but studies of contemporary primitive societies suggest that genitals were ingested at least to some degree for the purpose of absorbing the masculine essence of an animal, therefore making the consumer more masculine himself.
Eating ram’s or goat’s testicles boiled in sweet milk is even mentioned in the Kama Sutra as a concoction to boost libido.
Even today, the market for tiger’s testicles has unfortunately driven the South China tiger to the brink of extinction.
Archaic Testicle Research
As early as the 19th century, in an attempt to reverse aging, doctors began laying the groundwork for what today is considered hormone replacement therapy. Although experiments might be considered archaic and unethical, these doctors and researchers did make important contributions to the origins of endocrinology and the biology of sex. Much research was conducted using testicles as a way to increase vitality.
In 1913, a Northwestern University professor of genitourinary surgery, by the name of Victor Lespinasse, experimented on a man who had lost his testicles. He reportedly implanted slices of human testicle into the muscle of his subject. Four days later, the patient allegedly experienced strong erections and left the hospital in order to satisfy his sexual cravings, Lespinasse claimed.
Another interesting and/or disturbing experiment was conducted in 1914 by a Dr. G. Frank Lydston who “expressing his disappointment that vulgar prejudice heretofore had prevented the exploitation of the sex glands of the dead,” and transplanted into his own scrotum the testicle of a suicide victim.
In 1918, John Romulus Brinkley began to perform operations to restore male virility and fertility. He advertised in newspapers the procedure in which he implanted the testicular glands of goats into his patients for a cost of $750. During his career, it is said he performed more than 16,000 of such procedures.
In 1919, Russian-born medical scientist and surgeon, Serge Voronoff conducted experiments in which he grafted testicular tissue from monkey’s and chimpanzee’s into men. He noted that “marked psychical and sexual excitation” was the average result, followed by a revival of memory, energy and genital functioning.
In the California state prison of San Quentin, resident physician L.L. Stanley, who followed Voronoff’s research, reported in 1922 that he had implanted testicles from executed convicts into living convicts. He later injected about 660 subjects with solutions incorporating goat, ram, boar and deer testicles via a dental syringe.
The good news is that these practices have been banned and that scientists, as far as we know, no longer experiment on humans. Having said that, however, when contemplating the sexual games you can play with testicles, and all the delicious ways you can cook them, always remember the following…have a ball, but ingest ‘em, don’t inject ‘em.
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