Reviewed by Tobly McSmith
It’s no secret that we are a sized-obsessed nation. We want everything BIG! Our televisions, hamburgers, our budgets, bank accounts, and oh yes—our cocks. When your sausage isn’t as plump as the next and little blue pills are a little frightening and praying is also a little frightening, one can turn to devices to super-size his junk. Little helpers like the Penis Pump can come to the rescue, but do they work?
The Penis Pump is an iconic sex toy. They are right up there with Rabbit vibrators and Pocket Rockets. After close to 50 sex toy reviews, it is no surprise that I finally have one of these contraptions in my hot little hands. But with no penis of my own to pump, I needed outside help. A cock consultant. My roommate seemed up for the task. Bob has stuck his man meat into many inanimate objects, like for example a Mayo jar. This would be a piece of sexual cake.
It’s all about marketing your product to the right audience, like cartoon animals on cigarettes luring children to lit up, Xxxtreme Sports Penis Pump is geared towards men that enjoy sports and let us not forget: enlarged dicks. My “Slam Dunk” pump is bright orange/red complete with basketball analogies on the box promising “Xxxtreme erections.” Furthering my research online, I discovered a “Hole in One” version for golf enthusiast and a “Touch Down” version for the football fan in your life.
So enter Bob, so Bob can enter the pump, and tell us all just how much of an actual slam dunk this apparatus delivers. Bob’s word in quotes: “I’ll keep this real time like a fast-action b-ball game.”
Did it work? “Actually yes, but it was only temporary. I found that the two times I used the pump when I was too lazy to even masturbate it got me hard. So, good show. Good show. I did have some trouble getting the suction to work at first, a little lube and that problem was solved.”
His junk became “so girthy that it barely fit in the tube anymore.” Sure Bob, I said, dismissing his lie. He complained that it only stayed that big very temporarily. A quick fix, I am thinking, so I went on to ask if it helped him reach orgasm. The Pump comes with a removable sleeve so you can shoot your load into the tube when you are playing ball alone. Bob said, “If anything I was so busy pumping and letting the air out and pumping again it actually took longer for me to reach orgasm as opposed to my usual 12-stroke done approach.” I am still wondering if that is a good or a bad thing.
Did it hurt? “Not at first. But as my member became engorged and the suction became more intense there was a painful throbbing sensation. It didn’t feel bad, but didn't feel all that good either.” Bob’s biggest complaint was the constant pump pump pumping takes away from the moment and sounds like “ a mouse slowly dying” but offered an inventive idea to “attach it to a vacuum of some type in order to save on hand cramping; however, that could be extremely dangerous and [should] only [be] tried by professionals or severe masochists.”
To sum it up, Bob liked the feeling but the pumping kept him working. If he was with a partner, then a couple pumps and his junk would be ready for game time but alone the work involved decreased the enjoyment. It is handy, literally, that the Pump comes with a removable sleeve for easy clean up. So Bob, did the sports pump make you feel like an NBA star? “Yes, but only because Spike Lee was sitting next to me cheering me on.” XXXtremeSportsPenisPump
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