Reviewed by Tobly McSmith
What can I say about a sex swing? It’s a swing made for sex. It’s not out there feeding the hungry or curing disease; it’s a swing for the sole purpose of having sexing in. It understands its place in the world. And I understand its place in my bedroom. Topco’s Spinning Sex Swing is amazing. Amazing. AMAZING.
The instructional pamphlet was colorful, informative, and was converted into what seemed like more languages than has yet to have been invented. There are pages and pages of suggested positions, complete with written commentary by a real doctor. His how-to and play by plays comes off dry and mechanical, like a doctor talking you through instructions on your medications, not orgasms. Luckily, the color pictures are sexy and helpful to conceptualize every position, “Ooh, so that is where your leg goes…” The couple demonstrating the positions are hitting every angle, missionary, bent over each other, flying like two superheroes too busy humping to be bothered saving the planet, they are giving head suspended in air, taking it sideways, backwards, 69, and upside down.
No matter where you decide to hang your swing, orgasms and screams and happiness will follow. My ceiling is weaker than a sick kitten so I gave it a go in my door frame. That made for a night of power tools and drilling, and as soon as the swing was installed it was more power tools and drilling for me and my kinky sex freak. It was nice to gain leverage by having the wall so close to grab ahold of, her legs being able to steady themselves by pushing against the frame. The coil bounced playfully up and down, easing the work and allowing for better angles and increased control in banging the hell out of those angles.
For a little less of the tools and installing part try the Spinning Sex Swing on a Universal Sex Swing Stand. It’s like having a grown-up jungle gym in your bedroom!
The leopard print seat, back straps, and stirrups lend an aesthetic that suggests “I’m a sex freak, not a perv!” It’s not classy, but it’s not gaudy. The straps and ropes and grabbing bars are clean, well built, and for the price I have found online a really, really good deal. The only notable problem I ran into was when I attempted to adjust the straps when the Object of my Penetration was already seated in the swing. I really try to avoid these awkward adjusting moments, spending time and attention meticulously readying my toys before the session begins to avoid any unnecessary breaks in the hot action. So if you can, get that swing in alignment before the naked, messy fun begins.
Speaking of naked, messy fun, let’s get down to the dirty details. I must admit I was worried about the swing giving in, dropping to the floor, causing injuries. I found myself inquiring as to just how much insurance my naked plaything in the swing had. Not sexy, but informative. My fears were quickly diminished as we got going. I gained confidence with every thrust. I was testing fate, putting all my weight into the pounding. It was holding up no problem and my movements became almost grandiose and theatrical. It was fun!
I could really get at her pussy with power and endurance. The swing did most of the work. After she came, her hot juices spilling on the floor, she swayed back and forth basking in her after orgasm glow. Her body had gone limp, swinging from side to side. Good for her. My hips followed her as we effortlessly spun around together as she slowly sauntered back and forth, my silicone cock still nestled inside of her pink pleasure pocket. We looked at each other, not believing how good it felt.
The tilt and positioning of the swing really steps up the intensity of oral sex. You can easily get at that tight puckered asshole with ease and reach. One particular frisky night, I tied my lover up and made her watch me masturbate in the swing. She still thanks me for the honor. Like that adventurous couple in the instructional manual, the possibilities really are endless. Roll playing ,anyone? Me Tarzan, You Jane, let’s swing. So much is possible, the world, like my lover’s legs, have really opened up
If having sex without a swing is like jumping up and down, than making it in the swing is like getting to experience an anti-gravity chamber. After floating weightlessly, it’s hard to go back to jumping up and down without a little disappointment. Sex Swings are iconic sex toys. Everyone knows what they are, few have tried or seen them. So don’t be afraid, go out there and give the swing a shot, and don’t hesitate regaling stories of your swinging new life to friends and strangers at cocktail parties. Be one of those people, the sexually forward people that own furniture and stands and put holes in their ceilings and door frames for the sake and pursuit of better sex. Yes! Topco’s Spinning Swing for President!
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