Reviewed by M. Blythe
It's the bottom of the eighth inning, the bases are loaded, the other team is at bat, only one more inning to go and you’re still going at it with all you've got. Sounds like you've slipped into something more comfortable and you've got Liquid Sex Personal Lubricants on your team.
Off the bat, these lubes work divine if playing with a teammate while using a good ol' standard position, but if you're trying something a bit more acrobatic apropos then think again you might just slip right off home base (or should I say out of?). Lubes are good when you're on your own team, too.
Obviously, using lube will help you avoid any force plays or negative friction when you're at bat. The snazzy bottle design instantly attracted me to these lubes; they seemed to have a sexy feminine curve to the exterior, which made them inviting to my interior. Swing, batter, batter, swing!
Guess you could say I had five different Liquid Sex lubes to play with in my dugout. Here's what I thought.
Classic Water-Based: It's good, doesn't really smell and believe it or not, it doesn't taste terrible. It made playtime last longer, which makes things more fun. This was my second favorite of the five. Being one of the least runny, I would use it again (and have). The crowd cheers.
Forever Silicone: This one's good for fifth base (anal) because the slipperiness lasts a long time. It’s also good for playing in and around water—no rainout cancellations here, although it got my sheets messy and was way too liquidy. The taste was a little oily, but not bad; it doesn't really smell. Too messy.
Sensitive Light: What the hell does that mean? I actually had to look this one up online and then the text on the back of the bottle made more sense. It seems as though it was designed for people with sensitive skin. Both glycerine and fragrance free, it is less likely to cause allergic reactions in sensitive players. It smells a little funny and tastes a bit bitter, but it might help the ladies avoid any nasty fem infections later.
Hemp Aphrodisiac Boost: Are they using this name just to appeal to potheads, treehuggers and bunny-toting vegans? Apparently, this formula "provides long-lasting pleasure with the desire and performance enhancing power of Hemp Seed Oil,” but I didn't think it was particularly spectacular; the condom compatibility was confusing and it tasted like cough medicine—yuck! Three strikes… you're out!
Warming & Massage: The massage was great (thanks baby)! This was my favorite of the five lubes. It's less runny than the others (except for the classic); you can go straight from foreplay massage to hardcore pitching without having to switch tactics. It tastes strong, but it doesn't taste bad. I'll use this one again—looking forward to it, actually.
Back to home base: Invariably, all the Liquid Sex lubes were very liquidy and the outsides of the bottles of the supe- liquidy ones got a bit skuzzy, picking up tidbits of dust, hair, etc—gross! I had to wash the outsides of the bottles as if they were sex toys—that was a downer.
Condom compatibility: This is questionable, as the bottles are not labeled with this information. Packaging says 'water based,’ which makes me assume that they are safe with latex condoms. However, the Forever Silicone lube is still labeled as "water based,” which is compatible with latex. I would, however, beware of the Hemp Aphrodisiac Boost because of the oil in the product, of which oil is not compatible with latex. I think all lube companies should step up to the bat and label properly; it's irresponsible of them to make people play with their sexual health.
This may come way out of left field, but I prefer a bit more substance to my lubes. Liquid Sex Personal Lubricants were runnier than my faves; they were just not thick enough. My God, some of them got EVERYWHERE once you open the bottle—especially the Forever Silicone—it almost exploded all over my bed and my teammate.
Using lube makes your innings last longer and more enjoyable and definitely increases your chances of a double header. So, invest in a little lube, let the games begin and celebrate a slippery home run tonight!
 Email this review to a friend
|
