Reviewed by Tobly McSmith
Well, this is unnerving. An actual pumping device meant specifically for the pussy, to me, is a very disturbing thought. Why someone would want pussy lips the size of the "before and after girls" on the package was beyond me. Botoxing my or any other pussy was something that I wanted no part in. Everyone has limits and boundaries when it comes to sex toys, and I had just found mine. To the “Kick Ass” pussy pump’s defense, I’m sure there are many, many, many people out there that are interested in fluffing the pussy pillows for a cock to nuzzle between.
The demonstrational DVD entitled Honey, We Blew up the Pussy, comes complete with a cameo from the hedgehog, Ron Jeremy. This semi-porn how-to highlights woman thoroughly enjoying having the suction cup placed over their vagina as someone pumps away. After pumping, the cup was removed and the women regale their enhanced vagina in the same manner that the ladies on infomercials gasp when they see their hard-to-clean silver looking brand new.
Being the good reviewer that always gets her orgy, I set out to find a pussy in need of a good pumping. My friends weren’t jumping at this rare opportunity, no one would get up on stage and allow me to inflate their lips, and every couple turned down my invitation to a three-way pussy pumping session. I was running into dead ends everywhere I turned, until I raised my growing concerns to a friend at my gym. Her eyes lit up at the idea of such an invention. She had recently started a vigorous kegel workout to tighten up her vagina's grip on her boyfriend's dick. Typical locker room conversation for me, and even though she wouldn’t let me watch I handed over the pump with a post-play questionnaire.
The next day I received a rather glowing report. Different stroking for different folks, I suppose. The only complaint she had was that they had to consistently continue pumping for the duration. Maybe this was because I refused to surrender the DVD that would have shown them to put lube on and in the pump. She admitted to feeling a more tingly sensation than pain after the squeezing session, and that her lips had, in fact, been super-sized but not to the extent of the ladies on the package. There, there gym buddy, we can’t all be pumping champions.
The experimental couple didn't bring a dick into the mix for about half an hour opting to play with hands, dildos, almost a beer bottle, only drawing the line because the bottle was too cold. He enjoyed the feeling and she confessed that it "most definitely" made her feel closer to god and that her favorite Chinese food is “Szechwan Chicken."
Viva la Pussy Pump! Kicking ass and making beer-bottle sex that much more of a reality.
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