Ever since former Vice President Al Gore revealed to the world his Oscar-winning climate-change documentary An Inconvenient Truth, a divisive chapter in the American culture wars was reopened. Recently, both sides of the liberal-conservative divide have been firing shots across each other’s bow about the science of “going green”. And as per norm on social issues, regular working-class Americans find themselves being talked at by know-it-all celebrities and loud-mouth cable news anchors over which side is right. 

Musician Sheryl Crow weighed in, infamously joking that people should limit their use of toilet paper to "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required.”  Afterwards, Crow’s comments were set upon by the likes of conservative journalist and Dancing With the Stars wannabe Tucker Carlson, and also by The View’s former token yackbag Rosie O’Donnell, who wondered aloud “Have you seen my ass!?!” in response to  Crow’s single-ply suggestion. Ms. Crow herself, along with fellow environmental advocate Laurie David (the producer of Gore’s film) allegedly got into it with President Bush’s former Deputy Chief of Staff, Karl Rove, during the White House Correspondent’s Association dinner in D.C. back in April, wherein Crow and David approached Mr. Rove, urging him to “take a new look at global warming.” Depending upon which version of the story you hear, Rove then snapped at the two women, setting off a heated argument.  

As easily divisive as the debate over the science of global warming can be, there is, lo and behold, a common ground where productive discussions can begin: sex. There are some more practical, not to mention more erotic, ideas for helping the environment than the one Ms. Crow has. By reducing our carbon footprint in the bedroom, we can make environmental inroads through earth-friendly intercourse, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase “O naturale.”

Natural aphrodisiacs, for example, are a great place to start. For as long as there has been sexual desire, human beings have been using food and drink to aide in the courtship process. Before the days of Enzyte, the ancient Greeks consumed a variety of foods such as lentils, leeks, onions, edible bulbs, mushrooms and even wild orchids called Satirio believing that they could each serve as natural male enhancement.

The Greeks also added garlic and cheese to their wine, thinking it would have a similar effect. Since that’s completely disgusting, try something called biodynamic wine. As anyone who grew up in a European household can tell you, red wine is a well-known aphrodisiac, as it imitates the scent of male pheromones, increasing sensuality and not just lowering your inhibitions like alcohol. Biodynamic wines are earth-friendly because the process used in cultivating the grapes maximizes the soil in the vineyards without man-made chemicals. The aim of the biodynamic farmer is to turn the land into a self-sustaining habitat. No herbicides, chemical pesticides, sulfates or inorganic fertilizers are used. “It’s like removing the kinks from a hose,” Mike Benziger of Benziger Family Winery told the New York Times in 2004. If biodynamic wines are not available in your local store, try the Internet. 

Many ordinary foods are known to enhance arousal as well. Eating the right organic vegetables can be a great way to utilize all-natural aphrodisiacs and stay carbon natural at the same time. Bananas, for example, not only look phallic, but “are rich in potassium and B vitamins, necessities for sex-hormone production” according to Phil Lempert of The Today Show. Lempert also suggests pine nuts which are rich in zinc, crucial for male potency. Vanilla, ginger and sweet basil work, too.

Perhaps no food serves as a better aphrodisiac than that old reliable chocolate. Sure, it’s fun to splatter your love with Hershey’s syrup right out of the bottle and then lick it off in a sticky, passionate rage. But high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) is hardly organic. So try covering what’s-her-name you picked at the bar with organic chocolate instead. Websites like VitalChoice.com offer organic chocolate bars boasting a “whopping 80% cacao solids, for rich flavor and unequalled antioxidant power,” all without artificial chemicals.  Chocolate’s psychotropic properties have been shown to “increase the sexual appetite [and] also produces a sense of elation similar to an orgasm,” according to Shalin Popat of ezinearticles.com. So-called fair-trade chocolates have the added incentive of generating better wages for the cocoa farmers, so in buying it you can promote biodiversity and stick it to the big corporations.  

Still other sources of all-natural lovin’ are horny goat weed—used in Chinese medicine--  ginseng, who’s name actually means “man root” and can increase stamina, and Yohimbe, an herb found in Africa and India used for the treatment of sexual dysfunction (it has been on the FDA’s unsafe list since 1997, so check with your doctor before using it).

So now that you’re as revved up as your hybrid, what’s next? Well, think about eco-friendly sex toys. Yes, there are sex toys that can be harmful to you and your environment, and not just because their power setting is too high. Sex toys that contain polyvinyl chlorides (PVCs) can be so harmful to the people that use them; they can cause male reproductive complications and studies have suggested PVCs can even cause cancer. A German study in 2000 determined that 10 different dangerous chemicals were “gassed out” of sex toys reviewed in Europe. The concentrations of chemicals ran as high as 243,000 parts per million, a statistic David Baltz of the health advocacy group Commonweal said was “off the charts.” Janice Cripe of Blowfish, a company that sells sex toys online, said of products containing PVCs: “They would leak. They'd leach this sort of oily stuff. They would turn milky” and emit a “kind of plasticky, rubbery odor.” As a result, she no longer orders such items for Blowfish.

Sadly, even though several countries regulate PVCs, there are no such regulations for sex toys, making their purchase especially buyer beware. “With no government assessment or regulation on the immediate horizon, it's up to you, the consumer, to shop carefully and select a tool that's health-safe, fits your budget, and gets your rocks off,” observes Emily Gertz of grist.org in her December 2005 column “Naughty by Nature.”

Alternatives to PVC-riddled products include hard glass dildos, which although intimidating to some, are actually rather durable and easy to maintain. They can also double as mantle pieces. Another option is the solar-powered vibrator. That’s right, you can harness the infinite God-like power of the sun for yours and/or your partner’s pleasure and still stay within the confines of “green.” Such items are equipped with reusable solar panels, so they don’t waste batteries.  And for those bondage-loving card-carrying members of PETA, and you know who you are, SmittenKitten.com offers “animal-friendly” fetish gear. These include nylon rope floggers, leather-free collars and paddles, and the ever-popular “Vegan Commando” strap-on/butt plug harness made of “ethically manufactured” material.

And what environmentally friendly assortment of bedroom toys would be complete without all-natural lubricants to go with them? Websites such as RipnRoll.com offer Sensua Organics, the world’s first organic personal lube made from “certified organic food-grade ingredients.” There are also hypoallergenic organic lubes that can be used with condoms and toys. For a kinky change of pace, try organic sensual candles. Once the wax melts, it can be dripped (CAREFULLY!) onto your partner’s body, or simply massaged in.

And finally, laying down with your lover in bedsheets made from bamboo fiber can complete your sustainable sex life. Bamboo fiber is softer than cotton but drapes like silk. Requiring no pesticides to grow, and coming from a rapidly renewable resource, it is ideal for your earth-conscious boudoir. Don’t forget organic clothing to tease and please your partner, either. How hot would it be to see your girl/boyfriend traipse around the apartment in one of your organic t-shirts? Might as well get them something for themselves too, like some organic underwear that looks as good strewn across the floor as it does on them.

So what are you waiting for, another huge chunk of the ice shelf to break off? Get your tree-hugging ass some biodynamic merlot, a heart-shaped box of fair-trade chocolate and a bunch of B vitamin-rich organic bananas, and get ready for a wild night of all-natural passion between your environmentally safe bamboo sheets! Going green in the bedroom is a perfect way to start your carbon neutral life. Take care of the planet by first taking care of yourself and those close to you. Because what’s more earth-friendly than sex?