Dating is difficult for anyone, unless you have the knack, or the foolproof way to closing the deal. Not many of us have that gift. In my research, I've found that gay and straight guys all have the same dilemmas, worries and anxieties. While there are differences in the approach, some of those universal feelings are still there: sweaty palms, forgetting what to or what not to say, wondering if this person is digging you, the thrill of scoring or the agony of being rejected. But once you've cleared the hurdle—getting the number, making it past the first date, etc—how do you keep it going? Or, what if you want to play the field, have different lovers and live the single life? What's their secret or is it a secret? Maybe gay guys know something us straight guys don't. And if they do, maybe the rules can be applied to scoring with women.

What Are The Rules When It Comes To Gay Dating?

In speaking with several gay men for this feature, some of what they had to say about gay dating could also be applicable to the straight world. But, what are the specific "rules" the gay community follows? It's not so much rules--you could argue that gay men play by different rules—but, it’s more guidelines they follow. We all have guidelines. From their conversations and by scouring the Internet, here is a list of the guidelines I was able to compile. Feel free to include anything else that may have been omitted.

Always date someone of the same sex. Otherwise, god forbid, you'll be labeled straight!

Be considerate. Call if you're running late. And never be early—some guys hate that—just as a courtesy.

Pay attention to your date, especially your date's mood. If your date doesn't want to go for a long walk, have a seat. If the date looks bored, pick up the pace.

Have a positive attitude. Don't constantly complain about every little thing going on in your life—aches, pains, boyfriends and girlfriends, restraining orders or jail sentences.

Be yourself. Here's why it's important guys. You might be able to fool someone you're an astronaut, a race car driver, or an international spy but it will be a pain to have to live up to that lie if things work out. And your whole relationship will be based on a lie anyway.

Dress for success. What with the metrosexual movement going on, we’re all slaves to fashion.

Compliment your date profusely (gay guys love that, too). Don't be subtle about the things you like. If there's nothing to compliment, run. Your date can't read your mind so say what's on it. Be direct, but still be nice.

Play hard to get, if you want, but only a little . It's men we're talking about and, as you straight guys know, it can be somewhat grueling when women do it so how long do you think a guy will put up with another guy's game?

Think with your head on your shoulders and cover the one between your legs. The days of sex without consequences are long gone, and that goes for women. You may be better off waiting, especially if it’s a relationship you’re after. If you’re going to play the field, play it safe.

Once again, think with your head on your shoulders. Do not cruise . That is, don't look at other cute guys. I know it’s tough, especially for us straight guys when there’s a smoking hot woman around. But you’re better off pretending they don't exist. And never ever mention how hot your therapist is. That's a real turnoff.

When Dating Turns to Something More

It may seem like a lot to abide by, but when has dating ever been easy? Don’t think for a second that dating is easier, or for that matter, harder for gay men. So, now what? You’re dating, following the rules, having a good time until you meet someone special. You go out, find out you two have a lot in common and it turns you really like each other. Suddenly, gay dating turns into a romantic gay relationship. And the rules change. Here are some general rules of thoughts to consider when entering a homosexual relationship.

Before entering any relationship, try to choose someone you have something in common with besides being gay. If that’s all you share, this relationship will go nowhere really fast.

Insist on sharing or in other words, split the cost of the date. If you do not, then one of you will be considered a moocher. There can be exceptions on this, as there are for many of these guidelines. One person who was financially secured mentioned that virtually every guy he was interested in made less than he did. “I, being a generous person, insisted on paying especially when I took my date to a very fine restaurant. I don’t look at it as someone taking advantage of me. It’s a case of wanting to have the finer experiences without placing the other person at disadvantage.”

Everyone, gay or straight, may have their own timeline of when to call things off but in general, if a relationship does not develop sparks between the two of you within 3 months things will probably not work out. By continuing the relationship you are simply "beating a dead horse" by going on.

Here’s another universal rule to follow: needy people will drag you down . Avoid them. Avoid being one of them. Try fixing yourself before you try to "get fixed up" with someone else.

No one can make a homosexual or heterosexual person switch teams . Anyone who claims to be gay and has a relationship with a member of the opposite sex is not gay but bisexual or pretending to be straight. That said, if you only have feelings towards members of the same sex do not get involved with a straight person. Straight people sometimes want to know "what it is" to be gay and vice versa, so they "try" it out. After testing the waters they always go back to their "straight life." This type of relationship won’t work, certainly not on any romantic level.

You might want to learn all you can about the other person’s prior relationships. A person who has never been able to stay in a relationship for any length of time may never be able to stay in one. Some people who have been in lengthy relationships and tried new relationships may have reached a point in which they do not want to try any more and/or have given up. You may have to back off from this person. Also, find out who did the breaking up in the other person's relationships. A person who has had a long string of relationships in which either they were always dumped or they always did the dumping is a red flag. There could be a lot of "baggage" to deal with.

You Find the Man of Your Dreams and the Woman of His Dreams is Waiting at Home

Back in 1982, Making Love was released and was touted as the first film from a major Hollywood studio to take an honest look at homosexuality. Many still view it as the only film to have done so while also remaining compassionate and exploring one man's coming to terms and accepting the fact that he is gay. The film tells the story of a successful married couple who seem happy until the husband begins to question his sexuality. He meets a sexually adventurous young gay man who forces him to come to grips with his sexual identity.

Although the film was based on fiction, it could be based on many a married man's experiences. I'm not suggesting most married guys have those urges but it's probably more than we think. But, do those relationships ever work out? Most gay men who have been with married men will probably say that dating a married man is a bad idea. However, it seems as though many gay men have a story about how at one time or another they got involved with a married guy? Unless it's an exaggeration, why does it seem that some gay men are attracted to "straight" married men?

The Internet (due to dating sites such as Queermatch.com) has made it easier for married men who desire to meet other gay men for either companionship, dating or for sexual encounters. While the motives of married men may seem obvious, such as unhappiness in their marriage or confronting their sexuality, there are gay men who see married men as very alluring. They may have a fetish for straight men who they imagine as being more masculine. Some people may wrongly assume that gay men are the ones who are on the hunt to seduce straight men, but it's usually the other way around. Married men who are struggling with their sexuality are oftentimes needy (look at the guidelines about not dating needy people), which can make them look attractive and alluring to gay men.

Although there may be a strong attraction, the problem with getting involved with a married man (read the guideline about not getting involved with straight people) is that they almost always go back to their "normal" life. Remember, no one can "bring out" another person.

Speaking of Gay Dating Sites

Ever heard the saying, "The Internet is a gay guy's meat market." That could be true with all the gay dating and pickup sites since the dawn of the Internet age. Several thousand, at last count, and the opportunities are endless with even more sites popping up all the time. One such site, QueerMatch.com, was successfully launched recently. Just complete a quick, simple online application to register, and off you go searching for other gay men who are either looking for a relationship or for a sexual fling. You will have endless opportunities to view photos and profiles of men who, I even have to admit, don't look bad. Queermatch.com allows you to create your own profile, send and receive email for free. No matter what area you're in, the site is on pace to become the destination for gay men to hook up and meet guys anywhere for anything.

While sites like QueerMatch.com do provide, I believe, an invaluable service, always be on your guard before, during and after any encounter with anyone you meet online. Here are a few safe gay online dating tips to consider.

1) Crawl Before You Walk. Take time to get to know the person and ask as many questions as possible before meeting.

2) Protect Your Identity and Personal Information. Do not disclose personal information that someone could use against you for harm.

3) Leave A Trail. For safety's sake, tell someone where you'll be and who you'll be with.

4) Get A Picture. Besides getting to see how cute this guy is or isn't it's always a good idea to get a photo and save it in an accessible place on your computer.

5) Talk On the Phone First. You can tell a lot about a person just by talking on the phone with them and it could also let you know if you two will be great together or if this person is a psycho.

6) Meet In a Public Place. Again, for safety's sake, pick a public place where there's lots of people around and where you can "escape" if you feel your safety can be an issue.

7) Map An Escape Route. Similar to above

8) Know As Much About Their Sexual History As Possible. To protect yourself from HIV or any other sexual disease, ask him about his sexual history. Remember, guys do exaggerate so it's important you feel he's being honest or if you don't feel right about the answers he's giving you or if he's refusing to answer questions, you're bettor off steering clear from him.

Interracial Gay Dating: Two Taboos in One

Is love colorblind? Should love be colorblind? I hadn't even thought about the subject of interracial dating until it was brought up during a discussion. Although some would prefer not to deal with the issue, interracial dating is a controversial subject in the LGBT community. Those involved in interracial relationships are often the most sensitive about the issue when questions are raised.

"For the record, I think adults should be free to date whoever they want," stated one person I spoke with. "I have dated a virtual rainbow coalition of men and women in my life, including blacks, whites, Latinos and Asian-Americans. Today, I prefer black men, but I would not entirely rule out the possibility of dating someone of a different race or ethnicity than my own. There's enough difficulty dealing with being gay, I can't imagine throwing race into the mix.

"Interracial dating doesn't bother me. Neither am I bothered by segregated dating, as when whites prefer other whites or blacks prefer other blacks. I think this is a natural extension of our comfort levels with people like ourselves. Nevertheless, such preferences—particularly when they become absolute exclusions—could reflect some level of racism. But, I'm not convinced that racism is always the issue."

All relationships have issues. Interracial relationships often deal with difficult questions of racial comfort and sincerity that don't appear in most same-race relationships. In interracial dating, whether you're gay or straight, some people may find themselves asking, "Does this person see beyond my race or will he show his true colors when the chips are down?" Let's face it—racism is still a problem, not just in the LGBT community but a problem everywhere. Besides being gay, the two people involved in an interracial relationship must also deal with the same prejudices everyone else involved in an interracial relationship go through. But, it should not prevent anyone from wanting to date whomever they choose to date.