To all straight men, lesbians and bisexuals reading this, great news! Researchers have discovered a way to tell definitively if the woman you just slept with was faking it when she threw her head back and started screaming your name and swearing. You’ll need to cram her head into an electric scanner to do it, though.

BBC reported in June 2005 that a woman’s brain demonstrates much different neurological activity when she fakes an orgasm than when her orgasms are real. Researchers at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands have determined that “when a woman is faking, a part of the brain under conscious control lights up, while real orgasms occur subconsciously.” Thirteen heterosexual couples aged 19-49 were asked to take part in the study, requiring one half of the couple to have their heads strapped into a brain wave scanner while their partners stimulated them manually in an attempt to make them achieve orgasm. Appropriate mood was provided by the group conducting the experiment; all noise distractions were eliminated and the lights dimmed. The experiment was repeated a number of times with each couple using several different positions, the females also being asked to occasionally fake their orgasms so as to observe the differences in brain activity—all for the sake of science, of course.

The findings were conclusive. “Women can imitate orgasm quite well," explains Professor Gert Holstege, one of the researchers. "What we see [when a woman fakes an orgasm] is an extreme deactivation of large portions of the brain and… if you look at the women who faked orgasm intentionally you see the motor cortex—the conscious part of the brain—is activated. This means the movements that we make in [real] orgasm are not conscious.”

In layperson’s terms, when a person fakes an orgasm it’s a conscious decision. This may seem rather obvious. The rationale behind faking, however, is infinitely more complex. Faking orgasm has been widely believed to be an exclusively female phenomenon. We’ve all seen When Harry Met Sally, unfortunately. The truth is, however, men fake as well, and while statistics on fake orgasms in general seem far from solid, oftentimes men fake for the same reasons many women do.

According to American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) certified sex educator Corey Silverberg, the most common reasons for women to fake an orgasm are: 1. To make their partners feel more sexually gratified by demonstrating to them that they’ve done well, and 2. To simply end the act when they’ve grown tired of it. “Women report feeling, like their male partners, are not satisfied until they ‘give’ their female partner an orgasm,” says Silverberg, so women will generally fake in order to spare their partners’ feelings of inadequacy. Women will also do this to get their partners to cease intercourse if it becomes irritating, or in some cases painful, according to The Medical Center for Female Sexuality in New York.

This is certainly not to say, however, that women’s collective methodology for faking orgasm is just a matter of them not “getting off.” Frequently, a woman’s ability to reach sexual climax is much more difficult than many people realize. Dr. Louanne Cole Weston stated in a July 2001 WebMD.com column that studies showed a mere 30 percent of women can have an orgasm through penis-in-vagina sexual intercourse. “Many women—in fact, most women—do not reach orgasm during intercourse without some kind of simultaneous clitoral stimulation,” she wrote. Yet further complications exist, as inability to orgasm can be due to medical or psychological issues. The Medical Center for Female Sexuality states that, in addition to relationship complications, women may experience lack of interest in sex due to hormonal insufficiencies. A very serious condition in women known as anorgasmia, very simply the inability to achieve orgasm even with proper stimulation, can also be a contributing or primary factor to female sexual dysfunction. Consequently, women having medical, physical or psychological issues resulting in an inability to achieve orgasm may feel it all the more necessary to fake.

Men who fake orgasm, although thought of as less common, do so for many of the same reasons women do. Men may feel much greater pressure from their partners to perform than women, however. Fatigue, anxiety and disinterest play common roles in male sexual dysfunction, and thus contribute to the increased possibility that they will exaggerate their experience. According to psychologist Dr. Petra Boynton, “[faking orgasm is] often more of an acute problem for men, since male sexuality is often tied up with sexual performance.” A man who can’t orgasm isn’t really a man, so the macho perception goes. Men also find discussing their own sexual dysfunction much more difficult than women can out of fear that other men may view them as weak or un-masculine. Dr. Boynton believes that men in the gay community may feel even more pressure put upon them then straight men for exactly these reasons. In spite of some widely held beliefs, men will occasionally, the same as women, experience difficulty or outright inability to orgasm.

A rather odd complication exists for men who fake orgasm, too. Sexual stamina is extremely important to both men and their sexual partners. Interestingly enough, males suffering from sexual dysfunction may in fact have the ability to maintain an erection for extended amounts of time, but never actually climax. This increased duration may be a blessing to the man’s partner, but it still results in him feeling unsatisfied.

In a February 2004 column in New York Magazine writer Amy Sohn observes, “What’s surprising isn’t that men simulate, but that women are so clueless when they do. Used to men coming too quickly, most women can’t conceive of a guy with the opposite problem.” Sohn explains that in her estimation, while men are expected to be sensitive to women’s issues with sex, “they get little understanding of their own problems.” Sohn gives the example of Theo, a then 22-year-old writer she interviewed. Theo had suffered a groin injury and was having trouble getting stimulated enough to orgasm. He began faking it with the woman he was dating, but she found him out and became upset, and finally confronted him about it. Theo says he felt compelled to overemphasize his arousal with his girlfriend out of concern for her. “If a man can’t come, the woman feels it’s an indication that she’s failed in a fundamental way.” Theo went on to say he believed the combined sexual preconceptions of both men and women create an unfair expectation for some men. “As a guy, the culture tells you not to be too quick. But for a lot of girls, if you have sex with them for a really long time, it’ll start to hurt, the condom gets dried out, FreshDirect is bringing the food, or there’s a cab waiting downstairs.”

Use of condoms (a policy strongly endorsed by SexHerald) may help enable men, so to speak, from candidly discussing problems they are experiencing. Men can grunt and moan and pretend to ejaculate while their partners go on enjoying the ride, all the while completely unaware of the deception. The condom is thrown out, and with it the evidence, or lack thereof.

As with women, medical conditions exist with men to contribute to or cause sexual dysfunction. Delayed ejaculation, known less flatteringly as “ejaculatory incompetence,” is defined as a condition in which a male is “unable to ejaculate, either during intercourse, or with manual stimulation in the presence of a partner,” so says Medline Plus, an online medical encyclopedia. Stress, side effects from drugs (especially antidepressants), and lack of sleep are also factors.

So if you’re faking with your partner, what can you do? Numerous treatment options are available depending upon the problem that exists. Women experiencing medical or hormonal problems “should have a full battery of bloods run under the supervision of a physician who specializes in the area of female sexual dysfunction ,” according to The Medical Center for Female Sexuality. For men, Medline Plus suggests visiting an urologist. These only cover issues stemming from sexual dysfunction, however. There are often more deeply emotional matters involved.

That is why the first thing everyone must to do if they are faking orgasm and wish to correct the problem is to TALK TO YOUR PARTNER! Keeping silent about your dissatisfaction will not solve anything and will only serve to perpetuate your own disinterest in sex generally. Lack of communication can also adversely affect the relationship, creating the increased possibility of even more issues arising. The ugly truth is likely to rear its head eventually; better it be on terms you’re the most comfortable with. Don’t be embarrassed to talk about it,either; you can spare yourself needless grief in the long term with only a little vulnerability in the short term. If its sexual intercourse itself that’s unsatisfying but you find that other methods are, then ask your partner to stimulate you using their hands or mouth. Ask them if some dirty talk can be provided. And ladies, don’t be afraid to stimulate yourself during sex if it helps. If you want something done…

Just as importantly, if you believe that your partner is faking, talk to them about it immediately. It may start a fight, but getting thrown out of bed is a lot better than being in bed and not enjoying yourself. Besides, that electro-brain-scanner thing is expensive.